20190420 Saturday weigh-in

Hello, everyone.  I weigh myself once per week – on Saturday mornings – and keep track of the results.  It’s part of my program to be in control of my weight.  I have committed to a lifetime of keeping up two patterns I have observed in people who are in control of their bodies.  Thin people (1) monitor their weight frequently and (2) control their food intake carefully.  To monitor my weight once per week is the culmination of a week of careful control of my eating.  I have been weighing myself since January 1, 2019, when I was 325 pounds.  Last Saturday, I was 282.4 pounds.  How did I do this week?

Not as well.  In fact, I weighed 286.4 pounds at noon today.  That’s backsliding a little. You may be wondering, where is the customary picture I take standing on the scale?  There isn’t going to be one.  As Mark Twain said, in the battle-galleries of Versailles there are no paintings of French defeats, only victories.  I am the same.  I will admit the truth of what I weigh, but I only take pictures of the victories. 

So what happened this week?   Did I really gain 4 pounds??  My records of food intake for the week show that I was in calorie deficit and didn’t exceed an average of 1900 calories per day.  Per the USDA, a man my age needs 2500 calories per day to maintain his weight (there is lots of arguing about the exact number, I suppose it depends on the person).  My food intake was not steady – some meals were skipped, some meals were large, and my stomach seemed a beat or two behind.  I had some kind of stomach upset or illness all week.  It’s tempting to say that my gain was due to illness, and possible fluid retention.  Using that theory I don’t really know what my weight is this week.  The last time I had the flu (February) I didn’t bother weighing myself until I was better, so I don’t know what to expect. 

I noticed that I was falling into old patterns this week, too.  (Saturday is the day I reflect on my week and try to notice and figure out any problems.)  I noticed I was eating too quickly, not paying attention when I was eating, and sometimes letting myself get too hungry and desperate.  It didn’t feel in control.  When I put myself in control, it produces certain feelings, and a sense of satisfaction.  The satisfaction comes from working with different parts of my being aligned in a common purpose.  That produces a strong sense of meaning and adds a richness to the experience.  As I’ve tried to make clear from my pictures and descriptions, being on this diet is a wonderful experience.  I don’t spend any willpower starving myself.  I eat all the foods I like.  There is a trade-off, but I am willing to make it.  The trade is that it takes a lot of time and attention to make this work.  That takes some willpower.  Paying attention is hard.  

Making that trade is hard: you have to decide that you value your appearance and control of your body higher than almost anything else.  It becomes a hobby that you devote a lot of time to.  How much time?   At least an hour a day.  Is it worth it?  Oh, yes.

-The Doctor

20190419 Daily report

It’s amazing that food can have calorie content and emotional content.  Today was my exercise day, and I needed it.  I came home and made Ukrainian pierogi (pronounced like the Polish version, but the last “g” is more like an “h” sound).  I made them for Easter, even though I am reading they are not traditional at Easter.  Anyway, working with some friends I made about six dozen potato and cheese dumplings, with butter, caramelized onions and sour cream. 

No, I didn't eat the whole bowl!

One bite and I was back in my childhood, in my Babcha’s kitchen, with the clock ticking, “helping” her make them.  It was difficult to approach this nostalgia food with my new mindset – eat them slowly, enjoy, not to eat too many.  I wasn’t totally successful.  To be fair, there were six people at the table and 36 pierogi disappeared between us.  I had 6.  Or maybe 7.  It was hard to stop but I was totally, totally full.  I have no idea if I have adjusted to smaller portion sizes, or ate way too many.  But I was full.  I am still full 4 hours later.  It’s hard to believe I will be hungry in the morning, but the calorie count doesn’t lie (much).  I did not break my food intake regimen.  

My daily food intake and calorie count are:

Breakfast – Paska bread and butter (300)

  • 300 calories

Lunch – 2 x bratwurst wraps (300); 2 x Reese’s peanut butter cups (80)

  • 760 calories

Dinner – Appetizers (100), 6 x pierogi (80 ea. + sour cream and butter 100 each), cake (100).

  • 900 calories

Snacking – tea with half and half (160), 2 x Jaffa cookies (50)

  • 260 calories

Total for the day: 2220 calories (limit 1800 + 500 bonus from swimming, total 2300)

Swimming went much better today.  My lap times were almost back to normal.  I think whatever illness I had is going away.  

I checked my food journal for this year.  I have been sick one other time since starting to control my weight.  That was in February.  I don’t know what happened, because I didn’t weight myself that week.  Now I have more confidence in myself and in this weight loss program.  I will get on the scale and record the weight.  Even if the result is a higher number than I want, I am going to take it easy.  I will not punish myself, I will listen and try to get back on track for next week.  I don’t think I have over eaten (much), but I suspect being sick affects my weight.  See, I have an excuse all ready!  

Obviously, I am a little worried about this week and my dieting progress.  But I have other things to think about this weekend, and I am confident that the underlying weight loss program works.  The keys of my program are (1) monitor my weight and (2) control my food intake.  I control my food intake by paying attention to what I am craving and making sure I get hungry for it.  Because living this way is a high quality experience, I really enjoy it and try to make it work.  It is a rewarding way to live.  It’s so rewarding, that feeling full is alarming!  Feeling full used to feel sooooo good. Not now.  Now it is a relic of the past.  Time to let go of the past.

-The Doctor

20190418 Daily report

Today I am making bread for Easter.  It’s a delicious tradition.  This is Ukrainian Paska (Easter) bread that I made last year.  The round one is for the holiday, and the loaf pan breads are for enjoying any old time.  This is wonderful bread.  Sliced and served warm with butter is my preferred method.  The recipe has 6 eggs, a stick of butter, and 1/2C sugar, so you see it is no ordinary sandwich bread.

Maybe my baking will turn out even better this year!

I am slowly recovering from a stomach bug that started affecting me Monday morning.  Today I feel tired.  Last night around 10PM, my appetite returned, so I had a sandwich and some ice cream.  This counted against some of the calories I was missing Tuesday and Wednesday due to lack of appetite.  When I got up, I was also really, really hungry.  So while I was buying horseradish for Easter I also bought some breaded chicken in barbecue sauce from the grocery.  For some reason, I ate them all, though it was more than my usual portion.  For a little while I was feeling my old “want to be completely full” mindset.  That was as bit worrying.

My daily food intake log and calorie count:

Breakfast – Breaded barbecue chicken (800)

  • 800 calories

Lunch – skipped (0)

  • 0 calories

Dinner – 2x chicken, tomato and hummus wraps (200).

  • 400 calories

Snacking – tea with half and half (80); peanut butter cups (160)

  • 240 calories

Total for the day: 1440 calories (limit 1800)

NOTE also that late last night my appetite came back very suddenly.  I had ice cream (400) and a ham sandwich (300).  That affects my weekly total of calories, which I keep track of too.  (More on that Saturday when I weigh-in.)  Anyway, since the total was 900 calories short on Tuesday, I am still on track.  

Back to my feelings from this morning.  After I had eaten all the chicken, I was a little worried.  I was feeling more full than usual, because it was a bigger meal than usual.  I was starting to feel disgusted with myself.  However, after carefully checking my feelings, I decided that I had just waited too long to eat breakfast and was having a reaction to food insecurity.  (Look at this post, section #4 or search for insecurity on the page.)  I usually pay a lot of attention to being hungry since that is part of the bargain I have made with myself for my new lifestyle.  The bargain goes: I will sacrifice the feeling of being totally full, so long as I don’t have to go hungry for more than a few minutes at mealtime.  The food also has to be worth waiting for.  

In this case, I let myself go hungry.  I really, really have to get into the habit of carrying a snack with me.  Really.  I will destroy my morale and go into a panic food insecurity reaction if I don’t.  That seems clear.  I am learning so much about my body in this new lifestyle.  It’s all about paying attention and being willing to learn and listen.  

The temptation is to punish yourself after overeating, by withholding food.  I didn’t do that.  I just waited until I was actually hungry, which took until 4PM.  After dinner and some chocolate and tea, I really wasn’t hungry any more.  So I didn’t force it.  Tomorrow is a new day and I hope things will return to normal.  

This week is going to be rough on my weight loss program.  Due to my illness, my body is not behaving normally.  I have my record of what I have been eating, but who knows what kind of fluids I am retaining due to illness.  Looking ahead to Satuday, I am not going to let myself get emotional about my weigh-in this week.  This is something I haven’t thought about much while I have been losing weight.  Well, I have resolved to listen to myself.  I don’t want the pressure of losing weight on top of feeling ill.  If this Saturday my weighing will be unreliable, it will get better the week after.  We shall see!

-The Doctor

20190417 Daily report

Today didn’t go according to plan.  I woke up and wasn’t hungry.  That’s unusual, especially given my calorie deficit yesterday.  Then at lunchtime, I went out and ordered a cheese steak sub.  That sounded good.  But when it arrived it was all disappointing.  That was bad for my motivation.  In my new lifestyle, I sacrificed a future where I found fulfillment in being full; and traded it for a better future, where I get fulfillment from the quality of the experience.  I want the food I am really craving, in other words.  I didn’t get that.  So it was very sad, a letdown.  When I got home I had to make it up to myself using ice cream and chocolate. 

Only 120 calories, and fun to eat!

My daily food intake and calorie count:

Breakfast – Bratwurst wrap (300)

  • 300 calories

Lunch – Steak and cheese sandwich (500)

  • 500 calories

Dinner – Beef stroganoff (400) and noodles (200).

  • 600 calories

Snacking – tea with half and half (80); chocolate (160), Nestle Li’l Drum chocolate cone (120)

  • 360 calories

Total for the day: 1760 calories (limit 1800)

So, you might ask, my solution to a disappointing meal is to binge?  Isn’t that bad for the diet and the lifestyle? 

As it happens, binge is a strong word.  I had 160 calories of chocolate and 120 calories of ice cream cone.  That kept me on target and true to my aim.  And it took away my disappointment.  Now, this probably isn’t the best solution.  Those 500 calories of disappointing sandwich were eaten and I couldn’t get them back.  Eating chocolate does add more calories to my total.  A better answer might have been to not eat the cheesesteak sandwich I found disappointing, and then eat a better meal later on.  But I wasn’t prepared, I was hungry, and didn’t bring a snack to tide me over.  (The cheesesteak wasn’t bad, just not very good.)  Maybe always having a snack with me is a good idea.  Little packets of beef jerky would do, I like jerky and it keeps well at room temperature. 

My old values included not wasting food.  I have tried changing that in my new lifestyle by making that imperative less important, and also by changing the definition of waste.  Now food can be a waste by not being worthwhile.  It should be thrown away.  I don’t want it in my body.  Maybe that sounds bad – throwing away food because it isn’t fulfilling enough.  But I have a serious problem I am trying to get out of – how do I get in control of my eating?  It’s a case of waste or waist.  And my new values say, waist comes first. 

Anyway, it’s time to get ready for Easter!  I have a lot of food fun planned for this weekend.  This will be a great time for dieting and celebrating rebirth.  And my birthday is coming soon, too. 

-The Doctor

20190416 Daily report

Today was a swimming day.  I like some exercise, especially swimming.  I go twice a week and take some time in the hot tub afterwards.  This routine was part of my life well before I started taking control of my food intake and weighing myself weekly.  It’s safe to say that swimming doesn’t make me any thinner.  I don’t depend on it to, either.  But swimming is one of my favorite ways to exercise, and always has been.

My daily food intake and calorie count are:

Breakfast – skipped (0); still didn’t feel well

  • 0 calories

Lunch – pizza slice (100); 2 x medium carnitas wraps (300); chocolate (150); Li’l Drum ice cream (110).

  • 650 calories

Dinner – 4 x small carnitas wraps (500).

  • 500 calories

Snacking – tea with half and half (80), grapes (60), banana (110)

  • 250 calories

Total for the day: 1400 calories (limit 1800 + 500 bonus from swimming, total 2300)

Note that I wasn’t trying to diet extra hard today.  (That’s counterproductive in my book, forcing myself to starve. ) I just wasn’t very hungry.  This might be due to my large lunch yesterday but is probably mostly because I have a little stomach upset since I woke up yesterday.  Exercising today was a little difficult – I got winded quickly and didn’t keep up with my regular lap times as I got late into the routine.  It seems like I was a little ill.  Hopefully that goes away soon!  Maybe I will still eat those 500 missing calories on another day if I get really hungry. 

Back to exercise.  Presumably there are people who can make themselves lose weight by exercise alone, but I am not one of them.  Props to them, but I think my situation is more common.  There are also a lot of people who have lost weight just by changing their food intake and no exercise at all.  Luckily for them, that works – so long as you make the changes to your lifestyle and to your values, and not just for temporary.  That way you have a great chance to make the weight stay off.

If I hated exercise, it would be harder for me to maintain my new life.  I might resent forcing myself to go and exercise on top of persuading myself to stay within my food intake limits.  That’s why I don’t recommend that someone starting a diet add any new exercise to their routine.  There’s plenty of time to exercise once you have lost weight, are secure in your new lifestyle, and are living a fulfilling life where you trust yourself and your mind and body are working together. 

I do believe that exercise moves my weight around, hopefully from my fat areas to my muscles.  I won’t know for sure until I am a bit thinner!  I may have lost 43 pounds since I started in January, but I still have 77 to go.  That distorts the body a bit.  But the important point is that I am using my exercise to help regulate my food intake.  I like to swim, so I don’t have to persuade myself to do it.  Instead, I take the calories that I burned and use them to keep myself happy with my diet.  I’m always extra hungry on exercise day, and for good reason.  The calculation goes: I burned 600 calories exercising, so I will allow myself 500 extra.  It’s win-win.  I get to swim.  I get extra calories to play with, and I get extra hungry, which increases my enjoyment of my food.   Last, I go into deficit another 100 calories as a bonus.  (600 burned minus 500 eaten = 100.)   So this is a great compromise that is working for me.

-The Doctor

20190415 Daily report

Today was a day to deliver on a promise I made to myself on March 30, 2019.  On that day, I weighed myself and was less than 290 pounds (starting at 325 pounds on January 1, 2019).  What was this promise and why did I make it?  The promise was that I would reward myself for making my new lifestyle work.  It’s all about meaning and reward.  I rewarded myself with a really big lunch and I have been looking forward to it for weeks!

It was a pleasure to keep this promise.

Are you asking yourself, can he lose any weight eating that?!?  Actually, yes I can.  This is a reward, not an everyday meal.  And will lose weight this week.  I have made the calories fit. 

My daily food intake and calorie count:

Breakfast – Bratwurst wrap (300)

  • 300 calories

Lunch – Indian buffet (1500).  This is more or less an estimate, but it’s a reasonable guess.  A fair amount was vegatables, but in rich sauces.  I’m not going to beat myself up over a reward.

  • 1500 calories

Dinner – Not hungry.

  • 0 calories

Snacking – not hungry (0)

  • 0 calories

Total for the day: 1800 calories (limit 1800)

As I was developing my new food lifestyle, I learned that one way to find meaning in your life was to get different layers of yourself, of your being, aligned and working together.  Body and mind (and soul, if you can manage that).  If you’re just sitting there, forcing yourself to eat a lettuce-only diet to reach your goal weight, it’s a pretty terrible existence.  I decided that was why dieting didn’t work for me – diets depended on pure willpower, on forcing myself to do things I didn’t want and didn’t find rewarding or meaningful.  Even if I succeeded in losing some weight by force of will, I had no plan to live any differently after the diet ended.  My old life would be there waiting for me, and the old body would come back.  There is no way that I would lose 120 pounds and then have it come back.  It’s more than I could stand, I would really hate myself.  I needed a new way.

I invented a new way of being.  Along with that came a new system of values.  In that hierarchy of things I value, having my body under control was at the top of what I was aiming for in life.  How do you get your weight under control?  Do what thin people do.  Make a lifetime commitment to (1) monitor your weight and (2) regulate your food intake.  If I was successful, I would get my weight under control and keep it where I wanted it.  I decided this should be a joyful way of living.  Force would not be used.  I should be able to find meaning in the journey and the journey should not end with a goal weight.  This is my lifetime goal.  It should be rewarding!

For now, I reward myself for keeping it together, keeping my new values at the top (where they should be).  I reward myself for making this new lifestyle work.  The rewards reinforce my weight loss and are not counterproductive.  I make the promises to myself and then I keep them, so that I trust myself and have an incentive to keep the different parts of myself together willingly. 

-The Doctor

20190414 Daily report

Every day, I keep track of my food intake and calorie count using a spreadsheet.  I plan to do it for the rest of my life.  That’s because people who stay thin and in control of their weight do two things.  (1) They monitor their weight and (2) control their food intake.  I’m not somebody who can do that by eyeball.  The tools of the trade are nutrition information on the package, calorie counting and the kitchen scale.  Sometimes I use a cup measure.  

As determined as I am to do this, and though I have used the technique to lose more than 40 pounds, I simplify a bit.  I had a sandwich wrap today, and I don’t carefully count the condiments, like pickles, sauerkraut, lettuce, tomatoes, mustard, or horseradish sauce (not usually together on the same sandwich).  I do a quick estimate.  Usually I round up to the nearest 50 or 100 calories, so if my sandwich is 460, with pickles and horseradish sauce, I say 500 calories total instead of counting pickle slices.  There are limits.

For dinner, I made beef stroganoff – based on an America’s Test Kitchen recipe.  The total calories I calculated at 3000, including the noodles.  I measured  1/5 of the total for my dinner.  

Filet steak in sauce made of cream and white wine.  Look how I suffer! Actually, I love my new lifestyle.

My daily food intake and calorie count are:

Breakfast – Leftover fritatta in a wrap (300), 2x pizza slices (200)

  • 500 calories

Lunch – meatball and hummus wraps (500)

  • 500 calories

Dinner – Homemade beef Stroganoff (400) with egg noodles (200).

  • 600 calories

Snacking – tea with half and half (120)

  • 120 calories

Total for the day: 1720 calories (limit 1800)

Today was a good diet day, though it didn’t feel like it.  I am getting used to these portion sizes.  I kept feeling like I was eating a lot.  I also was a bit late for lunch and didn’t have a snack with me.  That was a fail.  I got really hungry and a bit grumpy.  Luckily, lunch was really good.  

I am recognizing that my Saturday weigh-in is very emotional.  I get anxious about it, and hung up on the results a bit.  I notice my behavior changes towards the end of the week as I worry about Saturday morning.  So far, the results have been good.  But there is that seed of doubt.  Next week, will I have lost weight?  People talk about plateauing, is that a real thing for someone as regimented as I am about counting calories?    I did have two weeks in January where I weighed the same.  I tell myself: stay the course.  This has worked so far and I am really enjoying the feeling that my mind and body are lined up in agreement on how to do this and make it work.  I will deal with problems if they happen.  

-The Doctor

20190413 Saturday weigh-in

Hello, everybody.  I have committed to a weekly weigh-in as part of my new lifestyle. 

That’s what thin people do.  They all  (1) monitor their weight and (2) monitor their food intake.  Be careful!  It’s so easy to fall back into your old life and old life, when you ignored your weight gain and didn’t monitor your food intake.  Keep going!  I plan to do this for as long as I plan to be thin.  That is, for the rest of my life.  Being in control of my weight is a value I have adopted right at the top of who I am – the new me.  

So how is the new me doing, monitoring my weight?  Last week I was 285.4 pounds.

A lower number than before

I need to be very consistent with my weighing.  I usually weigh-in once per week, on Saturday, before breakfast.  Today, I forgot.  I ate breakfast first!  So I waited to weigh until just before lunch.  I have no way of knowing how that changes things, so I don’t want to repeat that mistake next week.  But this means I have probably lost:

Pounds!!!
0

This week I had the recurrence of another old problem.  The weight measured by my scale fluctuated as I got off and on again.  My rule is, the first time I get on the scale is my weight.  So I stopped worrying about it.  My family also did their weigh-in today.  It’s as habit I plan to inculcate into our routine.  Every Saturday morning!  Later, we can take a family walk.  We will all learn together how to control each person’s weight.  

The weekly weigh-in is a time to take stock of my progress.  How am I doing?  It was a good week.  However, it still feels very slow.  I have lost weight, but I am still more than 70 pounds overweight.  That means I am still in large clothes and the differences I see in the mirror are still subtle.  Still, there is progress.  My rate of weight loss is still high.  I am on-track to lose all my extra weight by the end of the year.  It’s been a long time since I was normal weight.  What will that be like?  Will I make it?  What will my final weight be? 

It will also be a strange transition.  I will go from being in serious deficit (1800 calories per day), and raising my intake to about 2500 calories per day.  What will that do to my food intake plan?  It’s carefully balanced for losing weight.  Will I be able to let go and negotiate a new plan with myself?  

For now, I’d better stick to losing weight.  I’ve got some idea of what to do and how to do it.  The rest I will have to construct later.

-The Doctor

How to start a diet 120 pounds overweight, Part 2

In the first post of this series, I talked about the general thinking and philosophy you need for successful lifestyle change:

  • Make the decision (to sacrifice your old self)
  • Accept the realization (thin people monitor and control their weight)
  • Create a plan (monitor your weight, and control your food intake.)
  • Learn about yourself (negotiate to find what you really want, keep yourself satisfied)

Those points were about committing yourself to a change of heart, a change of values, and ultimately a change of lifestyle.  I want to talk some more about the sacrifice you are making and the new self you are creating.    

An old phoenix sacrifices itself and is reborn as a new bird

1. Don’t go on a diet

How do people do on a diet?  Sing along with me, you know the tune.  (1) lose some weight by forcing yourself to make some drastic and unpleasant change, then (2) fall back into your old habits (your old life), suddenly or gradually, then (3) gain back that weight and maybe some more, and (4) repeat.  For your own sake, please don’t go on a diet.   Instead, change who you are.  Let me explain. 

I’ve checked out the weight loss forums and food diary pages, and read some weight loss books.  The advice can be good.  But it needs a framework.  Why are you doing this?  What does it mean for how you live your life?  What are you sacrificing (forever)?  Who will you be, when you have reimagined yourself?  People are full of enthusiasm to give dieting a try.  Motivation is not the issue!  But they run into a few problems that make the whole thing self-defeating.  The first problem is the dieting idea itself.   

Diets set you up for failure because they are built around the idea that you do not need to permanently change your lifestyle or take control of yourself.  They give you excuses that salve your self-image instead of inspiring in you the desire and ability to change forever.  Once you accept the truth that thin people absolutely do monitor and control their weight throughout their lives, you are mentally halfway to getting there yourself.  Think about it: if thin people must monitor and control their weight during their whole lives to stay thin, then so must everyone else, including you and me.  (If you want to be thinner, anyway.)  If you diet, then go back to your old life, your old weight will come right back.

On diets, you are following a temporary plan.  Whether you are on the grapefruit diet, or low carb, South Beach, keto, Atkins, or paleo, or whatever, that diet has a built-in, self-defeating excuse and a dodge of your responsibility to yourself and others.  (The people in your life who depend on you, need you to be at your best.)  If what’s making you heavy is too many carbs, or processed foods, or the lack of grapefruit, well, it’s not your fault, is it?  It’s those darned carbs, or the corporations, or some other demon.  Remember: if thin people must monitor and control their weight during their whole lives to stay thin, then so must you and I. 

Do you really want be someone who is on the diet cycle for the rest of your life?  Don’t diet.  Make a change to your thinking and create a new you who can lose weight and keep it off forever. 

2. Instead, change your mind. Your body will follow.

Your old self was a person who couldn’t lose weight, and who is gaining weight.  You need to be a new person, who can lose weight and keep it off.  That means you must sacrifice the old you.  It has to go.  Does that sound hard?  Well, it is.  Very hard.  You’ve built the old you over many years.  It’s comfortable and secure.  To leave the old you is like being a hermit crab leaving the old shell.  It’s scary and makes you feel unprotected.  Luckily, you have some help in making this difficult change.  You know that successful people sacrifice.  You will read here some ideas on to build a new and better lifestyle for yourself.  Sacrifice your old thinking, goals, aims, and lifestyle that make you overweight.  Find new ones that result in a new you.  I will explain. 

Maybe, like me, your old goal in eating was to feel completely full.  Maybe you find that very comforting – being completely full.  And maybe you have hurt yourself, failing on diet after diet until you can’t trust yourself any more.  You might start to dislike yourself, or get depressed about your failures.  Maybe you have punished yourself for straying off a diet.  Maybe you eat quickly, to get to that full feeling faster.  Maybe you eat while watching TV or using your phone or reading.  The old life is not that wonderful when I describe it, is it?  You must let go of all that.  It will be hard.  Even letting go of hurt is hard.  But it is necessary and there are compensations.   I know an adult who ruined his own life just to upset his parents.  That’s someone who can’t give up their hurt and needs revenge.  Let it go.  

You need to create a new self. You need a plan to become a new person with a new set of values.  THAT is the lifestyle change.  You will become a new person who values being thin and is willing to put in a lot of time and effort to make it happen.  It is a transformation!  You turn yourself from a person who is overweight into one who can succeed at losing weight.  You’re not doing it for anyone else or despite anyone else.  You let the old parts of you burn away and your life is renewed. 

Remember me? I am rebirth and renewal.

You are building a new identity.  What does the new you value above all else?  What is your new aim regarding your eating?  What does a person in control of their weight value?  What is your new goal when you consider eating food?  It all flows from the top.  Change what you value in your life.  If you value having your weight under control, then you need a new aim or purpose in living your life.  Your goals in eating must be different, too.

3. Avoid the willpower trap

A couple of months after I started dieting, my mother sympathetically asked me if I was feeling deprived over the things I was cutting out.  It was hilarious, there was no way to answer her.  We were operating on different planes.  She was thinking in terms of what I was cutting out of my food choices to lose weight.  She was expecting me to be living on willpower and broccoli, constantly hungry and craving.  And I had done that before and failed at it before.  But this time, I was eating better (quality) and enjoying my food more than I ever had since I was in college and decently thin! 

I could only answer her by showing her how I was reframing everything.  Mom, I’m just not thinking about it that way.  I’m not giving up any foods, deprivation is not part of my experience.  Willpower is not being used in the way you think it is.  For breakfast, I had 3 slices of bacon and 3 eggs with cheese.  For lunch, I had a Reuben wrap sandwich.  For dinner, I had a carnitas burrito.  I ate 1730 calories that day and I was hungry for every meal and I enjoyed every bite.  Oh, and I was losing weight too.  The willpower was all used for paying attention to what I was doing.  Deciding which foods would be worth waiting for.  Figuring out how much of them would be enough to enjoy, but not so much that I wouldn’t be hungry for my next meal.  Paying attention while I was eating, so that I would eat carefully and remember to enjoy satisfying my hunger with that first bite and every bite.  I was making a sacrifice, and then ensuring that the sacrifice would be worth it.  What was I sacrificing?  My old self.  My old goal.  My old comfort (which came from eating until I was completely full). 

Don’t use willpower to force yourself to do things you don’t want and can’t live with.  You can’t force yourself to do them forever, and then you will go back to your old life.  Plus, when your willpower fails, you will feel terrible about yourself.  You need to feel your body and mind are working together.  Fulfillment comes from that partnership.  

4. The new you

Imagine you were helping someone else on a diet and they are letting you down, time after time.  How can you trust someone like that?  How can you work with them to accomplish the goal?  Think of your body as another person you must work with.  You need your body and mind to be working together in your new life.  You must love yourself, work with yourself, and reward yourself for a job well done.  You also must figure out (in consultation with yourself, strange as that may sound) a lifestyle that will make you successful at losing weight, and one that you could enjoy being on for many years.  That’s right – if your new lifestyle is enjoyable, losing weight will be enjoyable too.  Losing weight will almost seem beside the point. 

The new you will have to be discovered.  I can tell you about the new me.  Unlike my grandfather, who very effectively controlled his food intake by eating a monotonous diet, I am very interested in the different foods I can eat and I want to keep eating them.  A lifestyle of eating only broccoli wouldn’t work for me, though I like broccoli (with enough butter and cheese).  The new me still values eating as a sensual experience.

What changed?  I moved “in control of my food intake” and “I want to be thin” near the top of my moral hierarchy.  They are up there now, higher than my desire to be frugal, higher than my desire to save money, higher than my desire to buy a house or a new car.  I haven’t saved any money by eating less food, because what I am eating isn’t as cheap, but is more satisfying.  You know, my new values are higher in my mind than “I want to eat together with my family”?  If they don’t make it home in time for dinner, I eat without them.  That sounds terrible, but I am in a serious calorie deficit.  By dinner time, I can get seriously grumpy if kept hungry for too long.  They wouldn’t like me when I’m grumpy.  It’s better if I eat.  When they come home, I can serve them, sit with them, and talk to them about their day.  Do you see how that works?  Being in control of my food intake and being thin are now more important to me than they were before.  I sacrificed that old me, and I sacrificed my old values and I will sacrifice eating with my family, if that gets in my way.  (There are limits – we’re not the Donner party.) 

My aim now is to be in control of my food intake and to be thin.  There are many physical and social benefits to being thin and I won’t go into them here; they are well known and I accept most of them.  But my new aim is a great moral good that I have brought into my life; I will be responsible for my body and how it looks and I will be proud of it.  I am focused on my aim and I will cut off anything that gets in the way (unless it conflicts with a higher value; there are some things even rats won’t do!).  Other things, like spending time with my family, are still important.  But I fit them in if I can.  If it’s work on my food journal, or play with the kids, I complete my journal.  It’s that important to me now.  I don’t compromise in my new aim.  I intend to be like this for the rest of my life, too.  It may sound a bit selfish, but my family will benefit from me being a stronger, fitter, and more disciplined person who is living responsibly. 

My goal now, when eating, is to be hungry.   Using the power of my mind, I have turned hunger from a bad thing into a good thing.  Let me explain.  Before I changed, I wanted to feel absolutely full after every meal.  That was my old goal.  Consequence: overweight.  My new goal is to have every meal be as enjoyable as possible, while still under control.  That goal means that I must be hungry when mealtime comes.  Food tastes best when you are hungry.  The food has to be worth getting hungry for and has to be truly satisfying my cravings.  It has to be just enough to satisfy me and keep me happy until the next meal.  I have found this arrangement works for me, if the food is worth it.  This brings me to rewards.

Reward yourself for doing a good job.  Your body will love you for it.  Make promises to yourself and keep them.  Build your trust in yourself and your abilities.  Each 10 pounds I lose gets rewarded.  I reward myself with special foods.  Do you see how the new me has a system that reinforces itself?  The special food is the ultimate in “worth waiting for”.  I will prepare by getting hungry; I will take my time and enjoy it; I will eat just enough so I will be hungry for the next meal.  I admit that if the reward is an Indian buffet lunch, the next meal might be breakfast.  But I will be hungry for it. 

What if I have a bad day or fall back into my old thinking?  What if I get too hungry, overeat, ruin my plan?  Well, I don’t punish myself, ever.  I try to learn why I did that.  What was different about today?  Did I get cold, did I have some emotional stressor, was I tired?  Was I not planning my meals out?  I learned that I need to have the foods I am craving in the house and ready.  When I get hungry, it gets very urgent, and I really resent eating things I don’t really want.  My old habit was to cook lots of extra food and eat the leftovers as lunch.  Quantity was the goal.  Now I want quality, and if all there is to eat is leftovers I don’t really want, I get resentful.  Maybe rebellious.  I am not satisfied, after the sacrifice I made!  So I rebel. 

So don’t punish yourself.  Try to learn.  Tomorrow is a new day.  Losing weight is a matter of average calorie intake, week by week and month by month.  Leave your anger and disappointment at yourself behind.  It’s better to learn to listen and prevent future binging.  I pay a lot of attention to what foods I keep around, now.  Resentment is destructive. 

Create a new life, one that you can be proud of, and enjoy.  Who wouldn’t want that? 

-The Doctor

20190412 Report

I am happy this week is over.  It was a successful week for losing weight, judging by my food intake, but I need more sleep than this.  

Today was a swimming day.  Using an online calculator, I found that for my height, weight, and exercise regimen, I am burning about 600 calories per workout.  I don’t do this as part of a weight loss program, though.  I just like to swim.  The relaxing hot tub and shower afterwards are part of the reason I go.  And I also use it as a bit of a reward – I allow myself an extra 500 calories if I want to eat them.  And I am usually pretty hungry after exercising.  It’s a great setup, I get to feel like I am doing a splurge and it is part of the plan and feels good.   Today I took out some of my extra calories in chocolate.  

Look Ma, no plate!

Are you thinking, “Oh, no!  Won’t those carbohydrates keep you fat?”  Just remember that I am not on a diet.  I am not restricted in what foods I can eat or when I can eat them.  There is a bit of restraint involved in how much I can eat at one time or in one day. 

There is a daily goal – I try to stay under 1800 calories.  On an exercise day I can go up to 1800 + 500 or 2300 total.   So on a normal day, the choice may be chocolate bar OR breakfast.  But on my exercise splurge day, it’s chocolate bar AND breakfast, and more too.  That chocolate bar is 220 calories.  I broke it into 12 pieces and I took the time to enjoy it.  Reward!

My daily food intake and calorie count are:

Breakfast – 2 x BLT wraps (200) 

  • 400 calories

Lunch – 2 x Costco pepperoni pizza slices (355)

  • 710 calories

Dinner – 3 x Aldi pizza slices (100), chicken and hummus wrap (200).

  • 500 calories

Snacking – tea with half and half (80), beef jerky (90), Hershey bar (220)

  • 390 calories

Total for the day: 2100 calories (limit 1800 + 500 bonus from swimming)

I  have promised myself not to be too rigid about the daily goal.  If I get hungry, I will eat a snack.  Beef jerky usually does the trick if I have hunger pangs.  If I need something sweet, the pre-wrapped Nestle Li’l Drums ice cream cones are only 110 calories (or 120, depending on the flavor). 

I don’t want to fall into a willpower battle with myself.  I want to eat just enough so I can be hungry in time for the next meal, which has to be something worth being hungry for.  That’s why I eat chocolate, bread, and other carbs sometimes.  I am really looking forward to breakfast.  You’ll see, tomorrow, why it was worth waiting for.  

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