20201004 Daily report: spoooky

I admit it, I went around the neighborhood looking at Halloween decorations today.  They weren’t scary but some were interesting, and a few were impressive.  The shops are a bit strange, as the Christmas decoration displays are already up (October 4!) and the Halloween stuff is a smaller display crammed next to the spaces filled with trees and reindeer.  There is probably just as much autumn/harvest stuff up at people’s houses as Halloween decorations.  Corn stalks, orange wreaths, stacks of gourds…

New Orleans Red Beans and rice

My food intake and calorie count

Breakfast – bread (110); ham (130); cobbler (100);

  • 340 calories

Lunch – 2 bratwurst (260); 1/2 wrap (45);

  • 565 calories 

Dinner – beef carbonnade (600); noodles (100); salad (30);

  • 730 calories

Snacking – tea with half and half (40); chocolate (300); chips (200);

  • 540 calories

Total for the day: 2175 calories (limit 1700)

The pattern continues

It’s a it distressing, but I have continued the pattern of the last several weeks: overeating during the weekends.  This is kind of counterproductive considering all the careful discipline I put into the food week.  It has nothing, or very little, to do with hunger.  I am not sure why I am turning to food, but this will really slow down my progress and gives the lie to weight “control”.  This feels a bit out of control.  

To be fair, I am still keeping track of the calorie count.  This is not a disaster, but it is not helping me either.  I need to think about this and channel my energies into a productive direction.  Imagine, being a person who has an urge to use food whenever something difficult or unpleasant happens to them.  No wonder my weight was out of control!

This is all a process of self-discovery, you know.  Once I learn my behaviors I can change them.  In that case, knowledge is better than ignorance.  I see I have this old, learned, behavior.  Trouble?  Feeling bad?  Eat something and feel better!

Only I don’t feel better. I feel worse, because I am setting myself back on my project to control my body and channel my mind into useful directions.  And I don’t like feeling full anymore.  It feels strange and wrong.  Anyway, what’s done is done and there are consequences to think about.  Tomorrow is a new day, and I will do better.  I wonder if the problem isn’t partly to do with structure.  My workdays are highly ordered and it’s easier to stay inside the lines.  On the weekend, what I am doing is less structured and there is more time to think and get worked up by all the problems.  Hmmmm.  I will keep thinking about that.  I have had many weekends that were weight loss successes.  Why has that changed the last few weeks?  A mystery! 

-The Doctor

20201003 Saturday way in

To my surprise, though I started the week off badly, I managed to have a reasonably good week controlling my weight.  That’s the goal: being in control of my body’s weight.  I could pick a weight number as my goal, but weight control is better.  Then I can pick any weight I want and go in that direction.  Being in control takes a lot of attention, and some hard work and some time.  But it has its rewards.  I am wearing and buying size 40 pants these days.  It was only in 2019 January I was wearing size 52.  OK, the size 40s are not exactly relaxed-fit, but neither are they ridiculous.  I can wear them around.

I know what I weigh, because I weigh myself every week. I can go to the store and be pleasantly surprised with what I am fitting into, instead of a bit shocked and dismayed.  

And no backsliding.  Having established control over my weight, I don’t want to be gaining it all back again.  I control my weight by becoming a new person who values weight control, and make sure my old lifestyle is unrewarding.

Caption

This is a new low weight for me, and I am getting closer and closer to having a normal-sized body.  Since I started controlling my weight in January 2019, I have lost:

Pounds!!
0

Closer and closer

My original goal was to reach a target of 205 pounds.  This was arbitrary, and I never expected to reach it.  I have started dieting before and never made it anywhere.  But this time was different.  I left behind my old thinking and my old way of life, and started living according to a new set of values.  But I am making great progress this time!  Soon I will have lost 111 pounds from my starting weight of 325.  That’s only nine pounds away from the target: 205.

I don’t believe I will stop for long at 205 pounds.  I want to see what 185-190 looks like.  But still, reaching that target of 205 pounds will be a big accomplishment.  It’s one that people who stay thin, perform all the time, but it is new to me.  I have learned that people who stay thin have to work at it, and the thinner they are, the harder they must work.  I appreciate that.  I have learned a lot from thin people.  

Of course there is more to do.  I would also like to exercise more, but my preferred exercise is swimming and that is difficult right now, all the Coronavirus lockdowns have made a lot of the pools hard to use.  But some light exercise like walking will make a difference, as I get closer and closer to my targets.

What will I do when I want to stay at a weight?  When I want to stop losing or gaining?  That will take some figuring out and it will be odd to eat more calories than I have been for the last two years.  Weight control demanded I eat less and then it will demand I eat more.  But I have learned it takes constant attention.  You can’t park at a weight and stay there without any effort.  (Well, actually you can, but it takes some pretty strong routinizing – I mean, eating the exact same meals and portions every day.)

Breakfast time.  I am hungry and I will enjoy it.  Have a good week,

-The Doctor

20201002 Daily report: more daily report

In the beginning, was a man who weighed 325 pounds.  This weight he had gained a bit at a time over many years.  He had never been able to successfully lose weight.  But on a low carb diet, he did lose 20 pounds.  This was the first time ever he had lost weight.  Did the low carb food cause him to lose weight?  The weight loss stopped after about 20 pounds, though he didn’t change anything.  Was the low carb food responsible for the stoppage?

It was probably not.  Later, he learned that the kind of food he ate had little bearing on his weight loss (there are some people who find otherwise).  But there was an important clue in there.  The low carb diet was easy to follow because he liked the food, and it was easy to stay on the diet.  It was easy to avoid noodles, rice, cereal, pizza, chips, and bread, when you can have as much meat and cheese and nuts (and vegetables) as you like.  

I can have pizza so long as I portion

My food intake and calorie count

Breakfast – toast (220); ham (160); salami (80);

  • 460 calories

Lunch – Corned beef wraps (300); stuffed cabbage half (70); horseradish sauce (20);

  • 390 calories 

Dinner – pizza (900); 

  • 850 calories

Total for the day: 1700 calories (limit 1700)

That and responsibility makes weight control

This was one of the Doctor’s key insights: you will find it easy to stay on a diet that you really like.  You will fight to stay on it.  

But that was a bit of a false lead.  I was completely unregulated in terms of calories.  At that time, I ate as much low carb food as I wanted and didn’t measure or pay attention to how much or how many calories I was having. And since at the time my mindset was that: food = comfort, I would have just kept increasing the dose over time and would probably have started gaining weight again.  I had to break that mental link and make a new one: food = enjoyable fuel.  Comfort would have to come from fulfilling responsibilities and achieving my goals.  

That’s leaping a bit ahead of the story.  For now, I had had the important insight, that the diet had to be in alignment with your values and how you want to live your life.  It had to be your lifestyle and not a temporary diet.  Forcing yourself to lose weight is just too difficult.  You will be on a permanent diet and never make real progress.  

The next step on the Doctor’s journey was to figure out how to create the new link.  Food was to be enjoyed, as a reward and as well-earned experience.  It was not to be the source of comfort.  It could and should be a reward for work.  The harder the work, the greater the reward should be. 

-The Doctor 

20201001 Daily report some more

In the beginning, was a man who weighed 325 pounds.  This weight he had gained a bit at a time over many years.  He had never been able to successfully lose weight.  It was too difficult to do.  When he did try, there was no real system and he would always give up after a few weeks.  He tried a few popular diets that were meant to make it easier, but made only a little progress (low carb had the biggest effect).  Was low carb the secret to success?  No.  It wasn’t.  But it was an important clue.

Lunch: homemade chicken, hummus, tomato, and pickle wraps.

My food intake and calorie count

Breakfast – bagel (330); ham (130);

  • 460 calories

Lunch – leftover beef and broccoli stir-fry (150); wraps (90) with chicken (100); hummus (100); and tomatoes (10);

  • 450 calories 

Dinner – stuffed cabbage (320); cauliflower (40); sour cream (50);

  • 410 calories

Snacking – tea with half and half (80); pretzels (110)

  • 190 calories

Total for the day: 1530 calories (limit 1700)

How to begin: don't be stubborn

When you are overweight,  and know you are out of control, there is the feeling that you could lose the weight all by yourself, just by doing the things that lead to weight loss.  Eat less food and exercise.  How simple!  If you tell anybody you are thinking about starting a diet, they may try to give you advice but you don’t want to hear it.  You tell yourself, you have your own system.  The truth is, you are not mentally in the right place to take control of your body’s weight.  That takes an effort and some new thinking.

Admit it: the problem is in your head.  If your head was right you absolutely could control your weight.  The Doctor has lost over 100 pounds just by changing his thinking!  (Maybe there were some ripple effects of living out the implications of the new thinking.)  So just start by saying: I would like to control my body’s weight.  How could I do that?

Find some thin people and watch them.  The big mistake is to watch thin people’s behavior and try to copy it.  That won’t work.  They act that way because they think differently from you.  The thinking is what you need.  The behavior will follow.  Figure out how they are thinking about food and eating.  What are their priorities?  You can ask.  They won’t be shy about telling you about their successes, and keeping thin is a struggle for everyone who manages it.

The Doctor is a stubborn fellow and comes from a family of stubborns.  I couldn’t learn a thing from my family, even though my family has people who have stayed thin throughout their lives, and other people who have successfully lost weight.  Of course it also has people who have not been so successful that way, and a few of us who have gained, lost, gained, and lost again.

The Doctor’s realization was that a sustainable weight control system needed to be enjoyable and positive.  It needed to be a whole way of living and not just a diet.

-The Doctor

20200930 Daily report: farewell to September

Keep your mind right, and you will control your body’s weight.  Today, it was difficult.  My mind wanted the quick and easy solution.  I needed to feel completion, release, satisfaction.  I was telling myself that I could get all that – by eating!  

That would be quick and easy.  It is also a waste of my time.  That kind of completion, satisfaction, soothing, is not enough for me.  I tell myself that I would rather have achievement than food.  What do I achieve by eating food?  Nothing.  (What as your achievement today?  Eating food, eh?).  Achieving something is better.  Even if it’s a to-do list of all the things at work.  I tell myself I can do all those things and then feel better.  It’s certainly more productive.

My reward for achievement!

My food intake and calorie count

Breakfast – 6oz grilled pork burger (450); 1/2 whole wheat wrap wrap (45);

  • 495 calories

Lunch – bratwurst (260); 1/4 wrap (25); 4.5oz steak (300);

  • 585 calories 

Dinner – 5oz rice (160); beef and broccoli (300)

  • 460 calories

Snacking – tea with half and half (80); 

  • 80 calories

Total for the day: 1630 calories (limit 1700)

More walking, less eating

I haven’t walked at all this week.  Today, I did.  It was an achievement, if not a big one.  I got some of my to-do list done at work.  Again, an achievement.  Is it enough?  We shall see.  I can be a bit proud, maybe, of getting a few things done.  Add to that.  I did recognize when I wanted to break my discipline today and take the easy way out.  It counts, I think, that I resisted and won.  Today.

That’s a short term victory, though.  I can’t have this urge to eat every time I want to feel soothed and comforted and have completion.  It means I haven’t got my head right, my old habits are still part of me.  Indulging myself this way is how I gained weight in the first place.  

The old thinking must be reprogrammed away.  Satisfaction and release and comfort don’t come from food.  I was wrong to pretend that they did.  A substitute must be found.  Is it achievement?  Something else?  A combination of things?

For now, I will keep fighting.  It has been working, mostly.  The saying is that you should double down on anything in your life that is working.  

-The Doctor

20200929 Daily report: 1000 words

Alas, no pictures today.  I was forgetful.

Today is another day of weight control!  And today the Doctor controlled it mightily!  That is, it just so happened that I was busy at lunchtime and not very hungry and…skipped it.  I don’t recommend doing this often, but I really wasn’t hungry until near dinnertime because I had my mind on my work.  

This fits in with one of my values: if you’re not physically hungry, don’t eat.  Conversly, don’t try to skip a meal when you are hungry.  That is counterproductive.  The goal is to live a lifestyle that you like.  That way, you won’t have to force yourself to do it.

My food intake and calorie count

Breakfast – Beef and cheese enchilada (370) with sour cream (50);

  • 420 calories

Lunch – skipped! (00)

  • 0 calories 

Dinner – corned beef (150); potatoes (100); cabbage (50); carrots (30);

  • 330 calories

Snacking – coconut cake (300); crackers (110)

  • 410 calories

Total for the day: 1160 calories (limit 1700)

What gives with the skipping?

Skipping a meal was an accident, but it turned out well.  I even got to eat the last piece of coconut cake for dessert – oh no, that was another chance to take a picture, wasn’t it?  I was very distracted today.

Anyway, today was a success.  I focused on my work and ignored the clock and all the cues to when I should be hungry.  Since I didn’t realize I should be hungry, I had to listen honestly to my body.  If I had gotten very hungry, I would have had to eat something.  But I didn’t.  Sometimes you need a reset like that.

But today went well.  I was able to stick to my core principles: first, eat only when you are hungry; second: make sure that when you do eat, the food is worth all the trouble (why else get hungry?).  Homemade corned beef and cabbage, followed by coconut cake?  Fabulous.  And the corned beef was very, very good.  I didn’t even need my horseradish sauce….and it wouldn’t have worked on the coconut cake. 

When you set up your life using hunger and fulfillment, it’s very rewarding.  I feel very satisfied and don’t need to eat anything else today.  If I keep this up, I might start losing weight again.  It’s been a couple of weeks.  

This week I haven’t had any exercise.  That will have to change!  

-The Doctor

20200928 Daily report: getting easier every time

Saturday night I ate too much.  After dinner.  When I was not hungry.  This week I am paying the price.  It’s happened before, from time to time.  I have my faults.  But I have learned to keep going and over time the number of days I do things right is greater than the number of mistakes I make.  

I also had a period of about six months where I didn’t lose any weight.  My head was not in the right place and it took a while to get myself back together.  

My experience is that becoming overweight was almost all a product of the values I was living out.  I didn’t value being in control of my body and I felt out of control in my life, too.  Where was I going?   

Anyway, what is the price of eating too much on Saturday?  Why, the price is getting yourself back into the right way of thinking and making sure you meet your eating goals the rest of the week.

Grilled pork burger with horseradish sauce, mmmmmmm!

My food intake and calorie count

Breakfast – tea (80); 6oz chili (215); bread and butter (100);

  • 395 calories

Lunch – beef and cheese enchilada (370); sour cream (50);

  • 430 calories 

Dinner – grilled pork burger (450); hamburger bun (180); noodles and vegetables (50);

  • 680 calories

Snacking – none

  • 0 calories

Total for the day: 1495 calories (limit 1700)

OK, the price is right

I am living out a weight control lifestyle using values I have developed for the job.  So it isn’t so bad to pay a price for overeating for a meal or even more.  In fact, the price is the same as if I didn’t overeat on Saturday.  The price is to re-establish the system and do things right.  It takes a little longer than if I hadn’t overdone it, but the point of the weight control system I am living out is that it is worth doing all by itself.  Because I enjoy it and it is fulfilling, I want to do it!  Willpower is not an issue. 

Living out my new values does take some work.  I have to plan ahead and make sure I have meals to look forward to.  That means shopping ahead, planning and cooking ahead, and extra kitchen work.  That’s time I could be spending on something else.  But I have decided that the time is worth it.  The effort is worth it.  And the results are good.  I have lost 108 pounds, last I checked.  I am on the cusp of being comfortable in Size 40 pants.  

Put simply, my goal of eating is to make sure my physical hunger is satisfied in the most fulfilling way I can find.  I carefully allow myself to feel hunger and then “rescue” myself using a meal I am really looking forward to.  In this system, every meal takes work but is a joy to eat.    I enjoy eating portions of food I really like when I am hungry for them, more than I ever enjoyed eating uncontrolled portions (and gaining weight uncontrollably).  It is true that when you are hungry, the first few bites are the most fulfilling.  After that, a second portion honestly is not as good.  It is worth waiting and getting hungry all over again.

Did you have a bad diet day?   Re-establish the system.  Allow hunger to be your friend.  Satisfy the hunger in creative and fulfilling ways.  You can do that for a lifetime and you will establish control of your weight.

-The Doctor

20200927 Daily report: here we go again

Well, I’ve done it again.  Last weekend I overate Friday and Saturday and just had a rough week paying for that.  It took about a week to recover and yesterday my weight was the same as it was two weeks previously.  That is, I haven’t lost any weight in two weeks.

Last night (Saturday) I did it again!  I had 1200 calories after dinner and stayed up really late, and had trouble falling asleep and trouble waking up.  This is not ideal for someone who is trying to be in control of his life and his body.  Why I allowed this, is a question for later.  For now, I am only concerned with what happens the day after a bad diet day.

Beef and cheese enchiladas with homemade chili sauce

My food intake and calorie count

Breakfast – skipped, not hungry (00)

  • 0 calories

Lunch – tea (80); 

  • 80 calories 

Dinner – beef and cheese enchiladas (550); sour cream (50)

  • 600 calories

Snacking – cookies (300); chocolate (200)

  • 500 calories

Total for the day: 1180 calories (limit 1700) + 1200 calories eaten yesterday late at night, total 2380.

Careful now

Having overeaten yesterday, there is a danger.  You feel like you should eat less the next day to make up for it.  That also comes with a feeling that you need to resist eating anything until the extra calories are accounted for.  But I have learned better over the last two years.  You need to eat some token amount at every meal, and make sure you don’t start feeling hungry or deprived.  Yesterday is gone – don’t try to cheat the bill.  You must pay it.

Payment comes over time.  This week just won’t be as productive in terms of weight loss, but it can still be fulfilling and you can control the days that are left.  Next week can be a better week.  This week is payment.  And it’s not as bad as the previous weekend.  Maybe next weekend will be better.

On the bad side, this all means my head is still not in the right place.  Most of weight control is getting your values right – seeing the world correctly, deciding what you are going to do and making it happen.  Living out the consequences of what you have decided to believe and do.  Yesterday, I decided that food would be comforting, friendly, a quick and easy way to feel good.  No, eating a lot of food late at night doesn’t make me feel good.  Maybe I just needed some reminding.  I don’t feel guilty as such, though I am annoyed that I have wasted a few weeks.  And I am annoyed with myself for making this harder than it has to be.  However, I am all in this together, haha.  The part of me that wanted food and comfort, and the second the part that wants me to control my weight, they are both still in me after all.  I don’t agree with the values of the food-as-comfort part of me.  I will have to change that.  The quick and easy way is too quick and easy and the second part of me is stuck paying the price.  That’s no good. 

The only legitimate reason I should be eating food is because I am physically hungry.  All other reasons are false.  That’s what I am trying to believe.  That is the way to weight control.  I should be in charge of my body and I should make it look the way I want.

Tomorrow is a new day and next week a new week.  Tomorrow is coming!

-The Doctor

20200926 Saturday weigh-in: and??

Saturday morning (before breakfast) is the end of my food week, the culmination or result of a week of work.  Controlling my weight does take work and discipline.  It does not take deprivation or suffering.  Otherwise I couldn’t do it.  Anyway, I weigh myself Saturday morning before breakfast.   

There is a little pressure to make sure Saturday turns out well.  I am careful not to overeat Thursday and Friday.  Not that it matters, I work on portion control throughout the week.  But I have found my body does have short term reactions to a bad diet day late in the week – before weighing.

Last weekend I had a bad couple of diet days.  I have been predicting it would take me a week just to recover!  My previous low weight was 217 pounds.

…and my current weight is 217.4.  That’s pretty much the same as two weeks ago and I haven’t lost any weight in two weeks.  That’s the price of bad diet days!  Anyway, I didn’t take a picture since it’s not a triumph.  But neither is it worse than expected.  I have still lost a lot of weight starting almost two years ago:

Pounds!!
0

A perfect week

Next week I have a chance to have a good week.  Every week I get that chance.  While nobody keeps their discipline all the time, I have had a pretty good record of keeping going.  How is that done?

Willpower! 

Ha, ha, ha.  The Doctor has no willpower.  I think of willpower as the application of force.  You are forcing yourself to do things you don’t want to do.  That’s sometimes because you are seeing the world in a bad or non productive way.  I decided I needed to change, to see my body as something under my control, something I should be in charge of.  How it looks is partly up to me.  

And that brought me to an important question.  What did I get out of eating food?  Clearly I was eating way too much, though I wasn’t keeping a food journal at that time and had no idea just how much I was eating.  If I was eating more than I should, why was I doing that?  

My answer was I had created a link in my mind between eating, pleasure, and comfort.  The reason I was eating was shallow and unworthy: I associated eating food with being comfortably full and with enjoying the taste.  The more I ate, the more comfortable I was and the greater the pleasure from tasting.  But that wasn’t true, it was just a decision I had made.  You can change your mind about that.  What is a better goal for eating than comfort and pleasure?  I would try physical need, and a higher order of pleasure.

For now, have a good diet week.

-The Doctor

20200925 Daily report: the week ends

The end of a week is always dramatic for the Doctor and his Reader.  A week of hard work has gone by.  Has the Doctor maintained his discipline?  Will tomorrow be a good weighing day?

Well, not this time.  The Doctor had a bad diet weekend last weekend.  I am semi convinced that it has taken me all week just to recover.  I am sure my weight is higher than it was two weeks ago.  I didn’t even bother weighing myself last weekend!  

But things are looking up, generally.

Pepperoni and olive homemade pizza!

My food intake and calorie count

Breakfast – Smoked loin (100); crackers (110);

  • 210 calories

Lunch – pork chop (250); soup (200);

  • 450 calories 

Dinner – pizza (550);

  • 550 calories

Snacking – crackers (100); cheese (50); 3-day coconut cake (300);

  • 450 calories

Total for the day: 1660 calories (limit 1700)

Average calorie count this week:

I had just about 2000 calories per day this week.  Even though I stayed well under 1700 for six of the seven days, last Saturday I really overdid it and had a super bad couple of diet days.  I fell into a classic trap: eating for emotional reasons!  What a beginner’s mistake.  But it is one that people make from time to time.  Looking at the daily calorie average, you can see why I say it takes a week just to recover from a couple of bad days, if they are bad enough.  And I am not eager to get on the scale tomorrow.  It will be a disaster.  It is all price this week – the price of two really bad diet days. 

But you can recover.

Next week is a different story.  Every week is a chance to start over and do it right, to have a perfect week.  A new week will start tomorrow, no matter what I weigh.  Really, my body’s weight on Saturday morning is from last week.  Saturday (tomorrow) is the first day of a new food week when I can get it right.  I have come a long way, and there is still some distance to go.  

What can I do to make next week a good week?  I can get prepared for the next week.  I can get my head right, too.  Weight control takes discipline and sacrifice.  It does not take suffering and it takes surprisingly little will power.  You are only sacrificing your old self, after all – and that guy got you into this overweight mess in the first place!

Hoping you have a good week too,

-The Doctor

End of content

The End

Newer Posts
Older Posts