Today I am making bread for Easter. It’s a delicious tradition. This is Ukrainian Paska (Easter) bread that I made last year. The round one is for the holiday, and the loaf pan breads are for enjoying any old time. This is wonderful bread. Sliced and served warm with butter is my preferred method. The recipe has 6 eggs, a stick of butter, and 1/2C sugar, so you see it is no ordinary sandwich bread.
I am slowly recovering from a stomach bug that started affecting me Monday morning. Today I feel tired. Last night around 10PM, my appetite returned, so I had a sandwich and some ice cream. This counted against some of the calories I was missing Tuesday and Wednesday due to lack of appetite. When I got up, I was also really, really hungry. So while I was buying horseradish for Easter I also bought some breaded chicken in barbecue sauce from the grocery. For some reason, I ate them all, though it was more than my usual portion. For a little while I was feeling my old “want to be completely full” mindset. That was as bit worrying.
My daily food intake log and calorie count:
Breakfast – Breaded barbecue chicken (800)
- 800 calories
Lunch – skipped (0)
- 0 calories
Dinner – 2x chicken, tomato and hummus wraps (200).
- 400 calories
Snacking – tea with half and half (80); peanut butter cups (160)
- 240 calories
Total for the day: 1440 calories (limit 1800)
NOTE also that late last night my appetite came back very suddenly. I had ice cream (400) and a ham sandwich (300). That affects my weekly total of calories, which I keep track of too. (More on that Saturday when I weigh-in.) Anyway, since the total was 900 calories short on Tuesday, I am still on track.
Back to my feelings from this morning. After I had eaten all the chicken, I was a little worried. I was feeling more full than usual, because it was a bigger meal than usual. I was starting to feel disgusted with myself. However, after carefully checking my feelings, I decided that I had just waited too long to eat breakfast and was having a reaction to food insecurity. (Look at this post, section #4 or search for insecurity on the page.) I usually pay a lot of attention to being hungry since that is part of the bargain I have made with myself for my new lifestyle. The bargain goes: I will sacrifice the feeling of being totally full, so long as I don’t have to go hungry for more than a few minutes at mealtime. The food also has to be worth waiting for.
In this case, I let myself go hungry. I really, really have to get into the habit of carrying a snack with me. Really. I will destroy my morale and go into a panic food insecurity reaction if I don’t. That seems clear. I am learning so much about my body in this new lifestyle. It’s all about paying attention and being willing to learn and listen.
The temptation is to punish yourself after overeating, by withholding food. I didn’t do that. I just waited until I was actually hungry, which took until 4PM. After dinner and some chocolate and tea, I really wasn’t hungry any more. So I didn’t force it. Tomorrow is a new day and I hope things will return to normal.
This week is going to be rough on my weight loss program. Due to my illness, my body is not behaving normally. I have my record of what I have been eating, but who knows what kind of fluids I am retaining due to illness. Looking ahead to Satuday, I am not going to let myself get emotional about my weigh-in this week. This is something I haven’t thought about much while I have been losing weight. Well, I have resolved to listen to myself. I don’t want the pressure of losing weight on top of feeling ill. If this Saturday my weighing will be unreliable, it will get better the week after. We shall see!
-The Doctor