My goal for eating is to become hungry right at mealtimes. That actually works, about 80% of the time. Maybe 90%. Breakfast is the meal that is trickiest to control. Sometimes I am really hungry for it when I get up, and sometimes it’s an hour until my stomach wakes up. And sometimes, strangely, I feel kind of hungry when I go to bed, but when I wake up hours later, I am not hungry at all for an hour. There’s also the opposite problem, when I get hungry before mealtime. It happened today – I was really looking forward to lunch at 11.00, though lunchtime is 11.30. I was able to wait until 11.30 by putting a pizza in the oven at 11 – and then anticipating it. By 11.30 it was ready to eat, and I was very hungry and full of anticipation.
My daily food intake and calorie count
Breakfast – Aldi mini apple pie (210); bratwurst wrap (290)
- 500 calories
Lunch – 3 x Rising crust pizza slices (170)
- 500 calories
Post swim snack – 1/2 piece homemade Tres Leches cake (300)
- 300 calories
Dinner – homemade sausage chili and noodles (400).
- 400 calories
Snacking – tea with half and half (80); french toast (100); beef jerky (90)
- 270 calories
Total for the day: 1970 calories (limit 1800 + 500 bonus from swimming, total 2300)
Listening to yourself
It’s important to accept the idea that there are different parts of you and they might be trying to tell you things. If only we were willing to listen. Last week I wasn’t able to swim on Friday – pool was closed unexpectedly. I could have swum Monday, and had a wide open schedule. But I kept finding reasons not to go. Basically, I tortured myself for a good part of the day trying to make myself go swim. Some part of me was resisting and resisting, so finally I gave in around 2PM. Today, it was no problem. I picked a time and went, and had a nice swim.
So what was the part of me that was trying to make myself swim Monday? A psychologist would call it my will. “I will go swim, I order myself to do it!”
“Perhaps later,” said some other part of me.
Well, what was that part of me, saying no? I haven’t given my hypothetical different parts names. But it’s a part of me that can veto my will. (Have you ever tried to force yourself to diet? And found yourself breaking the diet some time later? How can that happen?) The trap there is to fall into the idea that you are weak and don’t have willpower. But very few people can force themselves to do things they really don’t want to do, not for long. And then you might get really disappointed in yourself, or angry and frustrated, and lose trust in yourself. That’s not a fulfilling or meaningful way to live. We must aim higher.
The point of my system of weight control is that life is better this way. It is not better because I am thinner. Thin people aren’t better people. Life is better because I am listening to myself and respecting these inner voices. What are they telling me? Figuring it out can be quite meaningful and interesting. You are working to understand yourself. That is respect for your own being. I have found a way for every part of my body, mind, and spirit to work together. It’s amazingly powerful.
Disappointment, frustration, lack of trust in your own self – the opposite of meaning, fulfillment. Don’t spend one more minute in that world. Read my posts on how to start a diet and find more meaning in your life, and love and appreciation for your self. I wouldn’t be doing this (and couldn’t be successful at it) any other way.
-The Doctor