Every week, I weigh myself. Barring illness, I plan to do this for as long as I plan to stay in control of my weight (forever). It’s part of the price I am going to pay to get thin and stay that way. For a long time, I felt like I shouldn’t have to worry about maintaining my weight – like it should happen by itself. Then I realized that everybody who stays thin keeps track of their weight, one way or another. Most people weigh themselves, but others use different systems – like, the way their clothes fit. I use a scale.
Since starting my diet in January, I have lost:
Forgiveness and progress
I wasn’t happy about this number (270) at first. Until now, I was on a very consistent and successful trajectory, with an all-but unbroken record of successful weight loss for five months. Then I lost it last week due to illness, and then indulging in eating a lot more than usual. Part of me says I would be below 270 pounds right now, if I had stayed on my eating plan. A better thought is, this weight is the lowest I have achieved so far, and it is an improvement from the last time I got on the scale. Being angry with myself would be counterproductive. Even worse would be punishing myself. Forgiving myself and keeping my vision on the future is the only way to keep going. I am happy that I weigh less than before!
The mental model I am using is that inside of me there are different levels of being, or aspects of my consciousness, each with different desires. I need to come up with a way of living that is attractive to most of them, that allows me to lose weight, and then keep myself on it. (I have tried to force myself to diet in the past and it has not worked. The different parts of my mind rebel against that.) Everybody seems to be on board with my current plan, though. But sometimes I need to focus on the future more.
Rewards help me focus. My priority now is to come up with three rewards: getting under 270 pounds, getting under 265 (my halfway point of losing 120 pounds), and getting under 260 pounds. I haven’t really done that and it has been a struggle this last several weeks to keep focused. I will think about it.
-The Doctor