Every day, I write down what I eat in my food journal. It is one commitment I have made to myself. That commitment is a consequence of my choice to recreate myself. I am now a person who cares a lot about his body weight being under control. (If it’s under control, then I can choose how thin I want to be.) This is a deeper goal than “dieting” or “being thin”. It’s a goal worthy of a new lifestyle and a new set of moral values. The revolution occurred in my mind, and my body is slowly living out the consequences. That’s much better than keeping my mind and values the way they were, and forcing myself to diet and be thin. I would be fighting myself all the time!
My food intake and calorie count
Breakfast – Bratwurst wraps (300)
- 600 calories
Lunch – 3x Spanish tortilla slices (166); mayonnaise (100); noodles and cheese (100)
- 700 calories
Dinner – ham (90); Muenster (140); and toasted bread (160) sandwich
- 390 calories
Snacking – tea with half and half (80)
- 80 calories
Total for the day: 1770 calories (limit 1800 + 500 bonus from swimming, total 2300)
Things are going well (!)
Balance is very important. I must balance appetite and satisfaction, for one thing. That means I want to be hungry just in time for eating. Too hungry – danger of feeling unsatisfied and eating more than I want. Not hungry enough – the food isn’t as satisfying. (Food always tastes better when you are hungry. If you are hungry AND have been looking forward to the exact food you have ready – perfect.) Also, if I’m not hungry, maybe my last meal was too big.
I have been training myself to find just the right balance of being hungry (at the right time) and then satisfying that appetite with something worthwhile. No “diet foods” for me. They are my definition of unsatisfying. I am also allowing myself to eat any food I want (I mean, any food I am willing to pay the price for). I often have pizza, or bread, or pretzels, meat, cheese, fruit, vegetables…. I do have preferences but they are a matter of taste and satisfaction rather than diet. For example: I haven’t had a glass of milk, or apple cider, or popcorn, or a bag of chips, or more than a dozen french fries, in a long time. Those things just aren’t worth the price when I am restricted to 1800 calories per day.
One question I am asking myself is: once I have the body weight I want, how will I adapt my system of weight control? Will I be hungry for meals when I am eating, say, 3000 calories a day instead of 1800?
But that is more for the future. Right now, I am seeking balance. By paying attention, it is possible. But it takes a lot of attention, it is expensive to lose weight and keep off weight – in terms of the attention I am paying. That’s attention I don’t have for other things. But for now, it is enough. My value is to be in control of my body’s weight and the price is paying attention.
-The Doctor