I admit it, I went around the neighborhood looking at Halloween decorations today. They weren’t scary but some were interesting, and a few were impressive. The shops are a bit strange, as the Christmas decoration displays are already up (October 4!) and the Halloween stuff is a smaller display crammed next to the spaces filled with trees and reindeer. There is probably just as much autumn/harvest stuff up at people’s houses as Halloween decorations. Corn stalks, orange wreaths, stacks of gourds…
My food intake and calorie count
Breakfast – bread (110); ham (130); cobbler (100);
- 340 calories
Lunch – 2 bratwurst (260); 1/2 wrap (45);
- 565 calories
Dinner – beef carbonnade (600); noodles (100); salad (30);
- 730 calories
Snacking – tea with half and half (40); chocolate (300); chips (200);
- 540 calories
Total for the day: 2175 calories (limit 1700)
The pattern continues
It’s a it distressing, but I have continued the pattern of the last several weeks: overeating during the weekends. This is kind of counterproductive considering all the careful discipline I put into the food week. It has nothing, or very little, to do with hunger. I am not sure why I am turning to food, but this will really slow down my progress and gives the lie to weight “control”. This feels a bit out of control.
To be fair, I am still keeping track of the calorie count. This is not a disaster, but it is not helping me either. I need to think about this and channel my energies into a productive direction. Imagine, being a person who has an urge to use food whenever something difficult or unpleasant happens to them. No wonder my weight was out of control!
This is all a process of self-discovery, you know. Once I learn my behaviors I can change them. In that case, knowledge is better than ignorance. I see I have this old, learned, behavior. Trouble? Feeling bad? Eat something and feel better!
Only I don’t feel better. I feel worse, because I am setting myself back on my project to control my body and channel my mind into useful directions. And I don’t like feeling full anymore. It feels strange and wrong. Anyway, what’s done is done and there are consequences to think about. Tomorrow is a new day, and I will do better. I wonder if the problem isn’t partly to do with structure. My workdays are highly ordered and it’s easier to stay inside the lines. On the weekend, what I am doing is less structured and there is more time to think and get worked up by all the problems. Hmmmm. I will keep thinking about that. I have had many weekends that were weight loss successes. Why has that changed the last few weeks? A mystery!
-The Doctor