It has been five days. Five days since I ended my temporary insanity. For two weeks before that, I found myself unable to live the weight control lifestyle, and instead let some non-healthy needs for food (as a stress relief and general comfort) take control. It’s a terrible thing, to realize you aren’t in control as much as you think you are.
It was a bit of a setback, too. I had gotten down to 212.8 pounds at one point. I haven’t dared to weigh myself in a few weeks. When I get on the scale tomorrow, I will be very proud if I only weigh 215. That’s the price I am paying for those two weeks: two further weeks of making good.
My food intake and calorie count
Breakfast – Tortilla piece (166); wheat wrap half (35); mayonnaise (20); bagel (300); plum jam (70);
- 590 calories
Lunch – ham (200); pretzels (150); cheese (50);
- 400 calories
Dinner – pizza (400); soup (130)
- 530 calories
Snacking – tea with half and half (80); crackers (50)
- 130 calories
Total for the day: 1650 calories (limit 1700). Fitbit: 24,868 steps and an estimated 4451 calories burned.
You can do it
I get a strong impulse to medicate myself with food in extremely stressful situations. I call this concept my reason for eating. In the best of times, my reason for eating is physical need. I use hunger to tell me both that I have a physical need, and that I am not eating too much. I mean that if I get hungry at lunchtime, it means it’s a good reason to eat lunch. Also, it means that I haven’t overloaded my system with too much breakfast. (If I overeat at breakfast I won’t be physically hungry at lunch.) Eating, hunger, and physical need are linked, which is the best.
When I eat for other reasons, I lose the link between physical need and eating. If I am eating to feel better, or to deal with stress, then I am in danger. Eating more means feeling even better. After a while, you don’t feel good unless you are eating and feel full. And that way madness lies.
What is your reason for eating?
-The Doctor