245.4 pounds
That’s how much the Doctor weighed this morning. It’s a bit higher than the 237.4 pounds I weighed on November 30, 2019. It’s also the first time I have weighed myself since November 30, 2019! Was 237.4 my low-water mark? Am I ever going to weigh less than that? What am I working towards in 2020?
For the last month and a half, I have been effectively taking a break from the weight control lifestyle. I was still recording what I was eating, more or less, but not as carefully. I was also not trying to restrict my intake very much, though I didn’t think I had eaten enough to really gain weight. Now, I know! Maybe I was wrong, since my weight is up, but we will see what happens once I have a week or two of successful intake control. On the good side, I have had a month and a half to slow down and take a look at my body. I bought some better-fitting clothes and thought about the future. Why am I doing this, anyway? What will happen once I achieve an appropriate weight? It’s one thing to carefully restrict your intake to lose weight, but what is it like to restrict your intake to maintain a weight? Is it really something I will have to pay close attention to forever?
Coming off a break
The month or two before I took my break from weight control, I was starting to have a hard time. My appetite was getting out of control, and I was hungry for carbohydrate rich snacks and foods. At the time, I thought I was probably having a physical reaction to an intestinal illness or something. But I realize now it might have been more emotional. The weight loss I had last year did depend on a lot of things in my life staying manageable. And I put a lot of work, effort, and concentration into weight control. I was maybe more tired than I realized.
To the good, I am a person who can lose 80 pounds. I couldn’t say that before. I’m still not a person who lost 120 pounds. That is yet to come, if I can make weight control my top value and goal for this year, too. Paying attention is a harder way to live than my former carefree lifestyle, when I didn’t think about any of this. I have to recognize that, too. So now I have more questions to ask myself: what would satisfy me in my life? How does weight loss fit into what I am trying to achieve in other parts of my life? Is there an emotional cost? What would make that worthwhile? How could I recharge?
Learn about yourself to change yourself!
-The Doctor