Recently I have been all stressed out. It’s affected my ability to focus on weight control. The last three weeks on and off, I have used food for an unhealthy purpose.
Back when I was out of control and gaining weight, I was suffering from the idea that food = comfort. If eating gets associated in your head with comfort, watch out. Soon you are finding that eating less foods = making yourself uncomfortable. Why would you put up with that? The more comfort you need, the more you eat. And then you are stuck.
For the last two years, mostly, I have tried out a different idea: food is for satisfying physical hunger and nothing more. Comfort should come from solving my problems, not soothing them away. But recently I have been stressed out and my brain has gone back to the old thinking: food = relief from stress.
My food intake and calorie count
Breakfast – toast (140); jam (150);
- 290 calories
Lunch – 5oz rice (160);
red lentil stew (200);
chocolate (120);
- 480 calories
Dinner – 5oz noodles (250); sausage (250); peppers, onions, and peas (50); goat cheese (100);
- 650 calories
Snacking – tea with half and half (80); chocolate (00)
- 195 calories
Total for the day: 1615 calories (limit 1700)
Nighttime losses
For the last couple of weeks, I have managed my food well during the day and then eaten at night, after I post here. I have always had trouble at night, it’s my time of greatest food weakness. This nighttime overeating has nothing to do with hunger. I believe that I am eating to relieve stress and anxiety. That’s not a good way to treat being anxious! After all it doesn’t solve anything.
But logic is not going to help me here. What will help? Well, I have faced this challenge before. My head’s not in the right place right now. But I have been able to make it work before, and I know what the right headspace is. I just need to feel less anxious, or at least find a way to do something about it.
It’s terrible that my reaction to stress is to eat. It could be worse, but no life is free from stress. I’ll have to think some more about a more productive way to deal with anxiety and chaos in my life. I like to think that I am in control, but it’s never as much as I would like.
Anyway, I don’t want to load myself up with more stress right now. Today, I have not overeaten. But night time is here and that has always been my weakness. Well, whatever happens, I will keep trying. But I can’t force it. It just makes me feel disappointed with myself on top of anxious. I don’t need that.
-The Doctor