Every Saturday is weigh-in day. I have committed to this behavior, for as long as I want to be in control of my weight. (The rest of my life.) My other directive is to regulate my food intake, which includes a lot more work. Weighing should be easy – you get on the scale, you get off, once per week. But it is (right now) the harder job. While I’ve been ill, my body has felt out of control. It doesn’t feel like I have been eating too much, but I don’t feel the immediate connection between my mind and body that I have enjoyed so much since January. However, there’s good news, which is I have started to feel better. Hopefully this coming week will find me back on course. So how was my weigh-in?
That’s better. My weight is moving back in the desired direction. I wasn’t sure what would happen today, when I stepped on the scale!
This matches my weight from April 14, two weeks ago. So did I lose two weeks? It sure feels that way. To control my weight, I make a sacrifice. I give up one future – the one where I eat as much of everything as I like, for whatever joy that gives. (It’s a shallow pleasure, but one I am used to.) I replace it with another future – one where I am in control of my weight. At this moment, it looks like I lost out on both futures. Part of me is unhappy because I only ate controlled amounts of food. That’s the part of me that sacrificed the future where I was full. Another part of me is mad about not losing weight. That’s the future where I was in control of my eating. Maybe I wasn’t in control, after all.
This is temptation to give up on your diet, when things get tough. Parts of you are pressuring you to quit. You’re giving up too much and getting nothing in return. But don’t panic. Don’t make a hasty decision. Think about it, and give it some time. In my case, I haven’t been well, and I know my body and mind haven’t been working together. I can feel it. I’ve been complaining about it in my posts since last week. I’ve lost a lot of weight this way, and getting sick (according to my records) has always thrown off the diet. I will concentrate this week on getting well, and making sure as many parts of me as possible are invested in the goal.
The goal is not to lose weight, nor to reach a certain weight. That’s not enough, if you want to keep the weight off. Your goal has to be, to become a person who is in control of their weight. In that future, you have the self knowledge to keep the weight off. You keep weighing yourself and watching what you eat. The way you can tell you are in control of your weight, is that you will lose when you want to and stay the same if you want to and gain if you want to. Things are rough for me right now – when I haven’t been well, I haven’t been in control. Here’s to getting back on top of it.
On a side note, I noticed in my food journal that for the last two weeks I haven’t eaten any bacon! I am as shocked as you are. That’s probably why I didn’t lose weight, haha. I fixed that today – bacon for breakfast.
-The Doctor