Daily report

20200928 Daily report: getting easier every time

Saturday night I ate too much.  After dinner.  When I was not hungry.  This week I am paying the price.  It’s happened before, from time to time.  I have my faults.  But I have learned to keep going and over time the number of days I do things right is greater than the number of mistakes I make.  

I also had a period of about six months where I didn’t lose any weight.  My head was not in the right place and it took a while to get myself back together.  

My experience is that becoming overweight was almost all a product of the values I was living out.  I didn’t value being in control of my body and I felt out of control in my life, too.  Where was I going?   

Anyway, what is the price of eating too much on Saturday?  Why, the price is getting yourself back into the right way of thinking and making sure you meet your eating goals the rest of the week.

Grilled pork burger with horseradish sauce, mmmmmmm!

My food intake and calorie count

Breakfast – tea (80); 6oz chili (215); bread and butter (100);

  • 395 calories

Lunch – beef and cheese enchilada (370); sour cream (50);

  • 430 calories 

Dinner – grilled pork burger (450); hamburger bun (180); noodles and vegetables (50);

  • 680 calories

Snacking – none

  • 0 calories

Total for the day: 1495 calories (limit 1700)

OK, the price is right

I am living out a weight control lifestyle using values I have developed for the job.  So it isn’t so bad to pay a price for overeating for a meal or even more.  In fact, the price is the same as if I didn’t overeat on Saturday.  The price is to re-establish the system and do things right.  It takes a little longer than if I hadn’t overdone it, but the point of the weight control system I am living out is that it is worth doing all by itself.  Because I enjoy it and it is fulfilling, I want to do it!  Willpower is not an issue. 

Living out my new values does take some work.  I have to plan ahead and make sure I have meals to look forward to.  That means shopping ahead, planning and cooking ahead, and extra kitchen work.  That’s time I could be spending on something else.  But I have decided that the time is worth it.  The effort is worth it.  And the results are good.  I have lost 108 pounds, last I checked.  I am on the cusp of being comfortable in Size 40 pants.  

Put simply, my goal of eating is to make sure my physical hunger is satisfied in the most fulfilling way I can find.  I carefully allow myself to feel hunger and then “rescue” myself using a meal I am really looking forward to.  In this system, every meal takes work but is a joy to eat.    I enjoy eating portions of food I really like when I am hungry for them, more than I ever enjoyed eating uncontrolled portions (and gaining weight uncontrollably).  It is true that when you are hungry, the first few bites are the most fulfilling.  After that, a second portion honestly is not as good.  It is worth waiting and getting hungry all over again.

Did you have a bad diet day?   Re-establish the system.  Allow hunger to be your friend.  Satisfy the hunger in creative and fulfilling ways.  You can do that for a lifetime and you will establish control of your weight.

-The Doctor

20200927 Daily report: here we go again

Well, I’ve done it again.  Last weekend I overate Friday and Saturday and just had a rough week paying for that.  It took about a week to recover and yesterday my weight was the same as it was two weeks previously.  That is, I haven’t lost any weight in two weeks.

Last night (Saturday) I did it again!  I had 1200 calories after dinner and stayed up really late, and had trouble falling asleep and trouble waking up.  This is not ideal for someone who is trying to be in control of his life and his body.  Why I allowed this, is a question for later.  For now, I am only concerned with what happens the day after a bad diet day.

Beef and cheese enchiladas with homemade chili sauce

My food intake and calorie count

Breakfast – skipped, not hungry (00)

  • 0 calories

Lunch – tea (80); 

  • 80 calories 

Dinner – beef and cheese enchiladas (550); sour cream (50)

  • 600 calories

Snacking – cookies (300); chocolate (200)

  • 500 calories

Total for the day: 1180 calories (limit 1700) + 1200 calories eaten yesterday late at night, total 2380.

Careful now

Having overeaten yesterday, there is a danger.  You feel like you should eat less the next day to make up for it.  That also comes with a feeling that you need to resist eating anything until the extra calories are accounted for.  But I have learned better over the last two years.  You need to eat some token amount at every meal, and make sure you don’t start feeling hungry or deprived.  Yesterday is gone – don’t try to cheat the bill.  You must pay it.

Payment comes over time.  This week just won’t be as productive in terms of weight loss, but it can still be fulfilling and you can control the days that are left.  Next week can be a better week.  This week is payment.  And it’s not as bad as the previous weekend.  Maybe next weekend will be better.

On the bad side, this all means my head is still not in the right place.  Most of weight control is getting your values right – seeing the world correctly, deciding what you are going to do and making it happen.  Living out the consequences of what you have decided to believe and do.  Yesterday, I decided that food would be comforting, friendly, a quick and easy way to feel good.  No, eating a lot of food late at night doesn’t make me feel good.  Maybe I just needed some reminding.  I don’t feel guilty as such, though I am annoyed that I have wasted a few weeks.  And I am annoyed with myself for making this harder than it has to be.  However, I am all in this together, haha.  The part of me that wanted food and comfort, and the second the part that wants me to control my weight, they are both still in me after all.  I don’t agree with the values of the food-as-comfort part of me.  I will have to change that.  The quick and easy way is too quick and easy and the second part of me is stuck paying the price.  That’s no good. 

The only legitimate reason I should be eating food is because I am physically hungry.  All other reasons are false.  That’s what I am trying to believe.  That is the way to weight control.  I should be in charge of my body and I should make it look the way I want.

Tomorrow is a new day and next week a new week.  Tomorrow is coming!

-The Doctor

20200925 Daily report: the week ends

The end of a week is always dramatic for the Doctor and his Reader.  A week of hard work has gone by.  Has the Doctor maintained his discipline?  Will tomorrow be a good weighing day?

Well, not this time.  The Doctor had a bad diet weekend last weekend.  I am semi convinced that it has taken me all week just to recover.  I am sure my weight is higher than it was two weeks ago.  I didn’t even bother weighing myself last weekend!  

But things are looking up, generally.

Pepperoni and olive homemade pizza!

My food intake and calorie count

Breakfast – Smoked loin (100); crackers (110);

  • 210 calories

Lunch – pork chop (250); soup (200);

  • 450 calories 

Dinner – pizza (550);

  • 550 calories

Snacking – crackers (100); cheese (50); 3-day coconut cake (300);

  • 450 calories

Total for the day: 1660 calories (limit 1700)

Average calorie count this week:

I had just about 2000 calories per day this week.  Even though I stayed well under 1700 for six of the seven days, last Saturday I really overdid it and had a super bad couple of diet days.  I fell into a classic trap: eating for emotional reasons!  What a beginner’s mistake.  But it is one that people make from time to time.  Looking at the daily calorie average, you can see why I say it takes a week just to recover from a couple of bad days, if they are bad enough.  And I am not eager to get on the scale tomorrow.  It will be a disaster.  It is all price this week – the price of two really bad diet days. 

But you can recover.

Next week is a different story.  Every week is a chance to start over and do it right, to have a perfect week.  A new week will start tomorrow, no matter what I weigh.  Really, my body’s weight on Saturday morning is from last week.  Saturday (tomorrow) is the first day of a new food week when I can get it right.  I have come a long way, and there is still some distance to go.  

What can I do to make next week a good week?  I can get prepared for the next week.  I can get my head right, too.  Weight control takes discipline and sacrifice.  It does not take suffering and it takes surprisingly little will power.  You are only sacrificing your old self, after all – and that guy got you into this overweight mess in the first place!

Hoping you have a good week too,

-The Doctor

20200924 Daily report: truckin’ along

Day 5 past the bad diet weekend!  And do I feel all better?  No, not all the way.  Yes, partly.  Let’s go with the positive side.  

I feel lighter again – after several days of feeling heavy and full.  I had less trouble getting up this morning.  (This is all after 5 days of normal eating.)  This morning, I was pretty hungry for breakfast early – I haven’t been for the last four days.  This is how long it takes me to recover from a bad diet weekend and two days of travel!  And I am still not done.  

But life is getting better.

Chili: what's for dinner

My food intake and calorie count

Breakfast – Smoked loin (100); chicken pieces (150); chocolate (120);

  • 370 calories

Lunch – pork chop (250); potatoes (200); Hershey kisses (100);

  • 550 calories 

Dinner – 10oz chili (360); cornbread (100); salad (30);

  • 490 calories

Snacking – pretzels (110);

  • 110 calories

Total for the day: 1520 calories (limit 1700)

No walking today!

I like to walk.  I didn’t have time – busy, busy.  Walk tomorrow.  It feels strange to be so sedentary, working away at a computer all day.  My fingers got some exercise, and that’s all.

It’s still amazing to me that after having lost this much weight, I still am a bit overweight and  look it.  What will I look like at 210 pounds?  200??  190???  I have to start looking up how people deal with excess skin around the middle and legs that comes from being overweight. From what I am hearing there is not a lot you can do short of drastic action (surgery).  There are some over the counter creams that may or may not work.  Apparently a lot of the loose skin will reduce itself over time, if your body weight is kept low.  

The rest of the advice online is just the usual: keep hydrated, exercise, etc.  It can’t hurt but it won’t help much.  Well, all that is a problem for Future Doctor who weighs less and has kept it off for a while.  Right Now Doctor has his own problems: like working through the aftermath of a bad diet weekend and getting back on the weight control system.

That’s enough to worry about for now.  Goodnight!

-The Doctor

20200923 Daily report: keeping on

Four days since my last bad diet day!  I still don’t feel normal, but I will, little by little.  Today was not a bad day.  Was it a good day?  Let’s see.

Classic: breaded pork chops

My food intake and calorie count

Breakfast – skipped (0)

  • 0 calories

Lunch – 16oz beef stew with potatoes (450); smoked pork loin (100); M&Ms (110)

  • 660 calories 

Dinner – breaded pork chops (400); oven-roasted potatoes (200); roasted cauliflower (100);

  • 700 calories

Snacking – tea with half and half (80); 

  • 80 calories

Total for the day: 1440 calories (limit 1700)

Don't get too hungry

Today I skipped breakfast.  I wasn’t hungry at first, then I had a lot of meetings and time got away from me.  By lunchtime I was very hungry and I hardly tasted the food!  Which was a shame – homemade beef stew with potatoes deserves more savoring.  This is the danger of not monitoring your body.  IF it’s not a priority, you can get into a bad situation.

For example, by dinner time I was also starving – it was after 6PM when I sat down.  Again, I hardly tasted dinner, it seemed like.  That kind of thing is counter productive.  Having gotten yourself ready to enjoy dinner by getting hungry, it’s not good to get too hungry.  You feel cheated afterwards.  You are likely to overeat if you feel deprived or cheated.  And I did have seconds tonight, which I don’t usually.  Having seconds is no good.  First you are too hungry and don’t enjoy the food, and then you are not really hungry anymore and you are just eating out of resentment or feelings of deprivation.  Those are bad reasons to eat.  You will get into bad habits.

Good habits are better for weight control.   I try to pay attention to my body and feed it when it is hungry, with measured amounts of good foods I like.  Going from eating way too much over the weekend, to eating way too little a few days later, is a rollercoaster.  That’s why you can’t make up for a bad diet day by eating less tomorrow.  Resentment will follow, and you physical body also won’t like such extreme changes.   

I will pay more attention.  Weight control has been going well!  That means it needs more attention, not less.  I like the expression “quadruple down on whatever is working in your life.”  Don’t slack off.

-The Doctor

20200922 Daily report: back to it

It’s Day 3 of the post-insanity binge weekend recovery.  Try to say that three times fast!  I am recovering from a bad diet weekend where I let go and ate for emotional rather than physical reasons.  Basically, things are still not back to normal.  It will take another week for that, based on past experience with my body.  It’s a price I am willing to pay.

How can I say, though, that the weight control lifestyle is so compelling and worthwhile if having a binge is still possible?  That is a tough one.

Soup and salad - no breadsticks.

My food intake and calorie count

Breakfast – smoked pork loin (200); 2x Cellone’s Italian bread (80); butter (40); M&Ms (120);

  • 520 calories

Lunch – chicken (200); wrap (75); hummus (75); Hershey’s kisses (160);

  • 510 calories 

Dinner – soup (200); salad (50); meat (50); cake (300);

  • 600 calories

Snacking – tea with half and half (80); 

  • 80 calories

Total for the day: 1710 calories (limit 1700)

Winning No Prizes This Week

I shouldn’t be too hard on myself.  I could win a prize – worst diet week ever!  My body is still not back to normal (and I don’t expect that until the weekend) and I am feeling undisciplined.  This is all emotional, I am having some roller coaster weeks here.  It’s amazing how that affects your life, if you let it.  I may have to build up some resistance to emotional turmoil.  

So why does a binge become attractive if the weight loss lifestyle is so compelling and interesting and attractive?  At one level, it’s because other things are also attractive.  I am not used to emotional turmoil.  I have recently been ill.  And my Mommy didn’t love me.  See?  You can really pile up the excuses!  But it’s true that you don’t stop liking chocolate because you are controlling your weight.  You just accept that you will enjoy the chocolate more if you restrict the intake and take the time to enjoy it.  The thought of just eating the whole bag of chocolates still has an attraction to the undisciplined part of you.  That’s why it is so important to create a new you who is more likely to resist that.

The new you thinks about food a different way, if you insist on creating him that way.  The old you is still there.  The part of you that wants all the chocolate is still there.  Who’s in charge?  You have to work that out and find out how to keep your desired self on top.   But the other parts are there and willing to take back over.  It can and will happen.  That’s why recovery is important and why you must have a compelling self and lifestyle to come back to…

But there is still a price to pay.  I will pay it.

-The Doctor

20200921 Daily Report: Holiday from Reason edition

An astute reader (and I do have one) will note a few days’ break in the Doctor’s blogging.  Things were disrupted with travel, extra tasks, and a Holiday from Reason.  Yes, I had some wild excess in eating for a few days while I was traveling and out of town.  And I didn’t go walking for several days, either.  This has not been the best week for weight control.

But that is ok.  Now I am back from Crazytown (population: you) and I can get back to my preferred lifestyle: weight control.

If I didn’t like it, I wouldn’t be able to do it.  The Doctor is not made of willpower.  

From a few days ago. The scallions make it extra good.

My food intake and calorie count

Breakfast – tea with half and half (80)

  • 80 calories

Lunch –bread (80); pulled pork (150); bratwurst (260); 1/4 flatbread (25); peanut blossom cookie (120)

  • 635 calories 

Dinner – 16oz beef stew with lots of potatoes (550); 2x peanut blossom cookies (117);

  • 785 calories

Snacking – tea with half and half (80); 

  • 80 calories

Total for the day: 1580 calories (limit 1700)

A few days waisted, two weeks wasted?

On one of the missing days (when I didn’t blog), I estimate I ate 4000 calories.  That was the worst of it.  Don’t ask how or why.  It was a holiday from reason.  Now that Mr. Reason has come knocking, there is plenty of cleanup and fixing to do.  A couple of days of excess eating have thrown my body for a loop and it will take days to feel normal again.  I feel non-hungry most of the time, and oddly full or bloated in the intestinal/stomach area.  I tried having tea today, twice, thinking that would help.  It didn’t.  I think it will just take time.  

That means for a few days of bad eating, I will have to pay a price lasting a couple of weeks.  It will take a week to feel normal again and another week before I could expect to weigh as little as before (117 pounds).  I accept the price.  I have no choice!  But I accept it with good will.  Was the holiday worth the price?  Oh no, it wasn’t.  It was emotional eating of the worst kind, totally unsatisfying in any food/hunger kind of way.  There’s part of me that takes the easy way out with emotional hunger.  Taking the easy way out!  That’s how I gained a lot of weight over the last 20 years.

Nobody said weight control was easy.  It takes work and discipline and sacrifice.  It doesn’t take much willpower.  Tonight is as good example.  I was offered a store-bought cookie and after one bite put it down.  It was terrible and why would I waste calories on it?  I had just made some peanut blossom cookies and had those instead.  Fantastic!   And it took little willpower to put down a cookie I didn’t like and replace it with one I do like.  There was some work involved – I had to make the cookies!  I would have enjoyed them even more if my body was feeling normal.  I will let you know how that goes.  

-The Doctor

20200914 Daily report: underweather

It’s hard to concentrate on weight control when you are not feeling well.  It happens, though.  What do you do?

I have learned I can’t force myself to do this for long.  I have to want to do it, and that means waiting out the illness.  I don’t worry too much about my calorie count, or when I should eat or getting hungry.  I haven’t been well since Friday and am still not all better.  I am recovering, though.  But today will be an abridged posting.

When nachos aren't exciting, nothing is.

Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow

Getting better just takes time.  But during this time I have found I am not hungry in the mornings at all.  I am finding I want to eat in the evenings, and I have less appetite for meat and cheese and protein.  I have a big appetite for bread, pretzels, and crackers.  And chocolate.  I am not sure why that is, but it makes it hard to be on my usual routine.  The foods I usually like aren’t interesting when I’m sick, and I have little interest in calorie counting.  I’ve had this situation before, in 2019.  So far, whenever I get better, my appetite goes back to normal.  

Until then, just bear it.  Tomorrow is another day.

-The Doctor

20200911 Daily report back loader

My job on a Friday, in addition to my usual work of writing a food journal and measuring my portions with care, is to get ready for Saturday.  That’s when I weigh myself.  Today, it didn’t go so well – not entirely my fault.  It was unusual.

Most protein-ey dinner ever

My food intake and calorie count

Breakfast – none (00)

  • 0 calories

Lunch – chocolate (200); ice cream (200); ice cream bar (150);

  • 550 calories 

Dinner – Italian sausage (270); 5oz pulled pork (250); bread (70);

  • 590 calories

Snacking – pretzels (110); cheese (50); chicken (200); cookie (110); tea with half and half (80);

  • 550 calories

Total for the day: 1690 calories (limit 1700)

Out of balance today

If you look at my journal entry, I didn’t have any breakfast.  I didn’t feel well and my stomach felt in knots, I don’t know why.  I also had a very unusual lunch – chocolate and ice cream.  I don’t usually find that satisfying for lunch.  Then I started to feel better after 2PM and by 6PM I was ravenous and only wanted meat.  I had meat for dinner.  I had meat and cheese for snack.  Then I finished it all off with a cookie and tea.  In effect, I ate the day’s worth of calories all in the second half of the day.  Not only that, I don’t feel well.  Combine those facts and despite my good week of dieting I doubt the scale will have good news for me tomorrow.  I could be wrong.  It’s a prediction.

My calorie average for the week was under 1600 per day.  That’s usually good territory for losing 1-2 pounds.  But the weighing tomorrow may be a disappointment.

It’s happened before that I get on the scale and have lost an amazing amount of weight.  Just recently I went from 230 to 225 pounds in one week.  The week after I hardly lost a thing, even though I dieted well.  There is variation in the short term, but in the long term I have been losing almost 2 pounds per week, which is excellent results.  I have done really well the last two months going from 234 to 219 pounds.  My original aim was to lose 120 pounds and get down to 205.  That is getting closer.

As a matter of fact it’s making me quite impatient.  By now I thought I would look thin!  I don’t, at least not naked.  I’m still fairly wobbly around my stomach, legs and arms.  Less than before.  I can now fit into some size 40 pants, breathing optional.  Will there really be that big a change in the next few pounds?  I decided some time ago that I will probably experiment with a final weight around 185 to 190 pounds.  Maybe that will make a difference.  

That is all to come. For now, I just want to get better.

-The Doctor

20200910 Daily report

It’s time…..for a daily report!  My job every day is to manage my food intake so that I am always satisfied after a meal and always slightly hungry just before a meal.  I keep track of that by writing it all down in a food journal.  I am able to do all this because I have changed my values.  Now I see hunger as a friend. When I get hungry just before mealtime, it means I am doing things right.

Curry time

My food intake and calorie count

Breakfast – 1/8 apple pie with crumb topping (450)

  • 450 calories

Lunch – 2x bratwurst (260); 1/2 whole wheat wrap (45); peppers and onions (20);

  • 585 calories 

Dinner – 13.5 ounces vegetable curry (350); 5oz cooked rice (160);

  • 510 calories

Snacking – tea with half and half (80); 

  • 80 calories

Total for the day: 1625 calories (limit 1700)

Fulfilling rather than full feeling

When you are managing your weight you have to have your mind right.  Once that is done, you learn to manage your food intake.  You start to welcome hunger because it means you are doing things right.  You put things in the correct order: get hungry, then eat.  You make sure that your meal is worth all the fuss.  Then you let yourself get hungry. 

Question: how do you do that?  Don’t you want to avoid feeling hungry on a diet????

What you don’t want is to feel hungry all the time.  Avoid feeling deprived, unhappy, put-upon.  Getting hungry is an important signal that you will enjoy the food!  But you have to learn to time the feeling of hunger.  Learn to get a little hungry, not a lot.  It should just last a few minutes, but it heightens your enjoyment of the meal.  If it’s something you have been looking forward to, you will enjoy it more when you are hungry.  That’s just your perception but it will work for you.

If you overeat, then you won’t be hungry next time and you won’t enjoy your next meal nearly as much as you could.  What’s the point of setting up your favorite meal, and all the cooking and preparation, if you’re not hungry and won’t fully enjoy it?  Use hunger as a signal and as an appetizer.  Are you hungry?  That means your last meal has worn off and you are ready for more.  Are you hungry? You will enjoy your next meal!

Don’t get too hungry and don’t get too full. Go for the more fulfilling experience: satisfying physical hunger at the right moment with the right food for you.

-The Doctor

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