Saturday weigh-in

20190615 Saturday weigh-in

Every week I check to see how good my food journal is and how well it reflects what is really happening.  The best way to check is to weigh myself and see how it matches what the food journal predicts!

This week was not the best week for my diet.  I lost focus, I didn’t reward myself every day, and consequently suffered from the urge to feel full.  My calorie average for this week was around 1950 per day.  On weeks where I have lost 2 pounds or more, I have averaged 1850 or less per day, over the week.  And a lot of the calories I ate this week were highly available, that is, came from processed foods high in carbohydrates.  I’m also not convinced I remembered to write down everything I ate.  So this total might be too low.

On the other hand, the total calorie count was far below what I needed to lose weight.  How did I do this morning on the scale?

Does the new camera make my feet look orange?

Progress!  I didn’t lose two and a half pounds, which is more usual, but I did lose more than one and a half pounds.  Officially, since starting my diet I have lost (in round numbers):

Pounds!!
0

Wooooaaah, I'm half way there

There is an extra 0.8 pound on top of the 265, so it’s not as good as it sounds, but in round numbers 265 puts me at exactly half of the weight I intend to lose.  That’s a total of 120 pounds, starting at 325, down to 205.  It’s taken six months to get this far.  I predict that the remaining 60 pounds will take another six months.  Then will begin the maintenance phase of my new lifestyle.

I am really a new person now.  This was brought home to me when talking with my parents.  They are coming to visit soon.  When I asked what they wanted to eat, they demurred and said they would adapt to what I had.  That’s not the way the Doctor works now!  I will only eat food I really want.  It makes me less adaptable, but it is a trade off I am willing to make, since it makes me so successful at controlling my weight and losing weight.  I have never succeeded at losing weight before, certainly not 60 pounds. 

Anyway, I gave my parents a hard time, and insisted that they should have food they really want while they are visiting.  It was like pulling teeth.  They don’t want to put me to trouble, but truly, I am a new person now.  I am different than the man they knew just a few months ago.  Compared to them, I am now obsessed about my food choices and weight.  Now, I am horrified that they would just make do.  To me, in severe calorie deficit, that wouldn’t work at all.  Why would I bother with eating less, if I didn’t love it?  Why should they?  

Once I have achieved a body weight that I like, I will not stop my weight loss program.  This is my new lifestyle and I like it.  I am paying attention to my own needs and taking care of myself, and I find that enjoyable and emotionally satisfying.  This is an amazing way to lose weight.  What adaptation will I have to make to transfer to a weight-maintenance lifestyle?  What will that be like?

-The Doctor

20190608 Saturday weigh-in

The Doctor is following a system of weight control, rather than dieting.  Every Saturday I weigh myself.  This is so important, I am also teaching my children to do it.  Weigh yourself every week, even if you aren’t dieting.  Keep a record, and you will have 52 weights per year written down.  It will be really clear if you are gaining, losing, or staying the same weight.  If you don’t do this, you will almost certainly gain weight.  That’s sad but true. 

The second part to controlling your body’s weight is to regulate your food intake, which also means monitoring it.  If you do that accurately and well, your weight will be moving in the direction you expect, every week.  

Darker picture than usual, but a good number.

This means since beginning my weight control system I have lost…..

Pounds!!
0

The weight loss calculations were correct!!!!

That is fantastic, considering the weekly calorie total was 13,755.  Let me explain. 

I usually try to limit myself to 1800 calories per day.  On swim days, that’s a little higher and my average for the week is usually 1850 calories per day.  Per week, that means I am eating about 13,000 calories. 

Someone like me should be eating 22,400 calories per week to maintain current weight.  That’s plugging my information into the calculator at healthline.com (most of the calculators you will find on the Internet agree with this number).  So, the 22,400 I should be eating to maintain my weight, minus the 13,000 I am eating per week is 9,400 calories.  What does that mean?  

The weight loss number, expressed in calories, is 3500.  The fact is that if you are in deficit 3500 calories in a week, you will lose one pound of weight.  I am usually in deficit 9,400 calories per week, which means I should be losing between 2-3 pounds per week.  Amazingly, that has been fairly accurate over the last 6 months.  22 weeks have gone by and I have lost 58 pounds, or 2.6 per week.  That’s an average, some weeks have been more or less, due to illness or other reasons.  

So, this week I had about 800 calories more than usual.  Instead of a deficit of 9400 calories, I was in deficit 8600.  That’s still more than two pounds (7000 calories), so I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised.  

The above calculations all come from my daily food log.  I have a fairly simple one that describes what I ate, how I felt, and how many calories, my health, and whether I exercised.  That bank of data, or self knowledge, is pretty useful.  As it grows, I will learn more and more about myself.  That can all be harnessed in service of the new goal I am living out: create a life full of satisfaction and fulfillment, be able to enjoy lovely food, and control my weight.  So far that has all come true.  Having lost 58 pounds, I am gaining confidence that this system works.

The above is all true, but the most true part is that to lose weight you really have to let go, change yourself dramatically, and live out the changes in a way that makes your life better.  Say no to dieting, because dieting is too often a way of making strictly temporary changes.  You are still the same person after dieting.  THe Doctor is a new person with new values and priorities, and a new life goal and new eating goals.  This was a big transformation.  It doesn’t make me a better person, but it does make me one who is in control of his weight and who has found meaning and fulfillment in that part of life.  How could you life improve?

-The Doctor

20190601 Saturday weigh-in

Every week, I weigh myself.  Barring illness, I plan to do this for as long as I plan to stay in control of my weight (forever).  It’s part of the price I am going to pay to get thin and stay that way.  For a long time, I felt like I shouldn’t have to worry about maintaining my weight – like it should happen by itself.  Then I realized that everybody who stays thin keeps track of their weight, one way or another.  Most people weigh themselves, but others use different systems – like, the way their clothes fit.  I use a scale.  

The trend is down.

Since starting my diet in January, I have lost: 

Pounds!!
0

Forgiveness and progress

I wasn’t happy about this number (270) at first.  Until now, I was on a very consistent and successful trajectory, with an all-but unbroken record of successful weight loss for five months.  Then I lost it last week due to illness, and then indulging in eating a lot more than usual.  Part of me says I would be below 270 pounds right now, if I had stayed on my eating plan.  A better thought is, this weight is the lowest I have achieved so far, and it is an improvement from the last time I got on the scale.  Being angry with myself would be counterproductive.  Even worse would be punishing myself.  Forgiving myself and keeping my vision on the future is the only way to keep going.  I am happy that I weigh less than before!

The mental model I am using is that inside of me there are different levels of being, or aspects of my consciousness, each with different desires.  I need to come up with a way of living that is attractive to most of them, that allows me to lose weight, and then keep myself on it.  (I have tried to force myself to diet in the past and it has not worked.  The different parts of my mind rebel against that.)  Everybody seems to be on board with my current plan, though.  But sometimes I need to focus on the future more. 

Rewards help me focus.  My priority now is to come up with three rewards: getting under 270 pounds, getting under 265 (my halfway point of losing 120 pounds), and getting under 260 pounds.  I haven’t really done that and it has been a struggle this last several weeks to keep focused.  I will think about it.  

-The Doctor

20190518 Saturday weigh-in

There are two parts to the Doctor’s system for weight control.  The first is to weigh yourself weekly.  If you don’t know what you weigh, you are not in control!  Sometimes getting on the scale is hard.  When you are 120 pounds overweight, it’s hard to be sure you have lost weight.  Can you trust your body?  Maybe you think you did all the right things and paid attention to how much you were eating.  Can you trust yourself?  Will your body reflect what you did, or think you did?  The Doctor thinks it takes a long time to start to trust yourself again, when you have that much weight to lose.  But so far…

Caption

…everything has gone according to the reality that I have recorded in my food journal and calorie counts.  Hooray!  This means I have lost:

Pounds!!!
0

Changes have started to happen

I have been living my new life of weight control (and finding new meaning and enjoyment in it) since January.  Doing this has been enjoyable and not as much of a struggle as you would think, thanks to the changes I have made to my thinking.  But things happen so slowly when you are paying this much attention!  It wasn’t until late April (more than 40 pounds lost) that my clothes really started to fit differently.  I can’t find any tool that lets you plug in your height and weight and get a waist size, and I have no idea what my waist size will be when I weigh, say, 205 pounds.  

I started in January in size 52 pants and 52/54 belt.  Now I am wearing size 50 pants and a 48 belt.  A bit confusing, but it’s probably specific to my body.  As I lose more, things will change.  I am really looking forward to breaking into the 30s (waist size).  Only 12 sizes to go!  According to the “roll of paper towels” model of body shape, as the roll of paper towels gets smaller, each sheet taken off has a bigger and bigger effect.  It’s a good model, based on volume to surface area.  Anyway, I don’t want to get too far into fantasy land.  There is a here and now to deal with.  What I am doing is working.  

Also, the Doctor was thinking about the bariatric or lap band surgery some people get for weight loss.  How would that fit into the Doctor’s weight control program?  If a person’s eating goal is to be full, well then, the lap band surgery will make it easier to feel full.  You wouldn’t have to change a thing about your thinking!  (The lengths we go to, just to avoid changing the way we think.)  Much easier and better to change your thinking.  Having hunger as my eating goal is working for me.  Surgery not required! 

The Doctor’s system also works for when the weight is lost and the new body needs to be maintained.  The Doctor’s system of self knowledge and a focus on being hungry at the right time means you can keep off the weight (as long as you pay attention).  If you relied on your stomach telling you it was full, with a lap band, then watch out!  When the lap band is removed, your eating goal will remain the same and you may gain back weight.  Stick with self knowledge and focus on hunger.  It works!

-The Doctor

20190511 Saturday weigh-in

It’s time for the weighing of my weight control commitment!  Weight control (not dieting) has two parts: (1) weigh yourself and (2) regulate your food intake.  For #2, I keep a food journal every day.  After I eat anything, I immediately write it down.  I didn’t used to be the kind of person who cared to keep up a food journal, but I have remade myself.  Now I care a lot.  And do it. 

Why do I say no dieting?  I have a whole speech about the evils of dieting.  Dieting for most people means a temporary condition.  You change yourself as little as possible, try to lose some weight, then go back to the way you were.  That hardly ever works.  The way you were included gaining weight!  You will gain it all back if not careful.  A new you is required.  The new you is capable of keeping your weight under control.

The other part of weight control is monitoring your weight.  I measure every week on Saturday, before breakfast.  I plan to keep up these two behaviors for the rest of my life.  Is it willpower?  Hardly.  Like I said, finding a new me was required.  Last week, the new me weighed 276.6 pounds.  What about this week?

Still moving in the right direction

Hooray, that’s my lowest number yet!  I remember a couple of months ago I sometimes lost three pounds per week.  That may have slowed down a bit, I will think about it.  Anyway, this means since starting my new life, I have lost: 

Pounds!!!
0

69 pounds to go

Part of my system is to recognize and reward important milestones that I achieve.  I am coming up on two important points to recognize.  First,  half of my 120 pound weight loss goal is 60 pounds.  That is creeping up on me, and only 9 pounds away (when I will weigh 265 pounds).  It may happen in 4-5 weeks, that is, halfway through June.  The second (and sooner) milestone is getting under 170 pounds.  I have been recognizing every 10 pounds in round numbers.  Usually, I reward myself with food.

That usually surprises people.  Isn’t that backsliding, backtracking, undoing all the work?  That would be true if I was using willpower to deprive myself of what I wanted.  Readers of this blog know that is not the case.  I eat every food I want.  My goal when eating has changed completely.  Being full is now distasteful to me and I avoid it.  My goal is to be hungry just in time for every meal, to look forward to delicious food that I really want, and to enjoy it. 

Importantly, I have to make sure I balance how much I eat with the imperative to be hungry for my next meal.  What I have achieved is to keep experiencing eating as a sensual and pleasurable experience, and make it even more intense by focusing on being hungry just in time to eat.  I get more enjoyment out of eating when I am really hungry, than I ever did by eating until I was totally full (that was my old goal when eating).  My body and mind love this system and I am working in harmony with the different parts of myself.  It’s very rewarding.

There are downsides.  If I allow myself to get too hungry, I get into danger of losing control and going into a food insecurity panic.  That is, I might binge and feel unhappy and unsatisfied all day, or even for 2 days.  I also have trouble with a meal that is unsatisfying.  Having sacrificed being full, and after experiencing all the anticipation that goes with getting hungry, part of me gets rebellious if the food isn’t worth waiting for.  It’s like a double sacrifice: I gave up the satisfaction of being full AND the feeling of eating delicious food just when I am hungry.   The overall effect is that I get finicky about the food and kind of obsessive about mealtime.  There may be other downsides.   But the upside is very much worth it.  

-The Doctor

20190504 Saturday weigh-in

It’s Saturday!  Saturday is the day I have set aside for my weight monitoring.  There are two parts to controlling your weight: (1) monitor your weight and (2) regulate your food intake.  Some people do like to weight themselves every day.  My grandfather did.  For me, once a week is enough. 

It’s been a troublesome few weeks.  I haven’t been feeling well and my weight was up and down.  But I am feeling much better now.  Things are back to normal.  Last week, I weighed 278.8 pounds (though that was a bit complicated).  So when I stepped on the scale this morning…

I like when the number goes down

That’s an improvement over last week!  So for all my worrying, I was still moving in the right direction.  I have had more drastic weeks of weight loss, but this means since beginning my new lifestyle I have lost:

Pounds!!!
0

That’s a big difference.  I still have a long way to go, but steady progress is good.  It means that my system of weight control is working.  Remember, I don’t consider myself on a diet.  I have made changes to my life and rearranged my hierarchy of values, and my goal is weight control, not weight loss.  I don’t know exactly what my stopping point will be, but according to the US Army, which knows something about physical fitness, there is a range.  Their range for men my height is 148-214 pounds.  Where will I fall?  I have no idea yet, but 205 is a good guess.  

This brings us to the issue of pants size and clothing fit, as I lose weight.  Friendly observers (Mom) have told me that my clothes are starting to look inappropriately loose and baggy.  It took a long time, though.  The size 52 pants I was wearing must have been at their upper limit.  I tried some size 50 pants I had in storage, with mixed results.  Those with stretchy comfort panels fit.  Ordinary pants (no stretch panels) did fit, but showed body contours under the fabric.  So I am staying out of those.  But in my closet I have pants all the way back down to 46, for when I need them.  I also have some shirts in storage that used to fit.  Maybe they do, now.  

How will I fit into clothes as I shrink from now on?  Losing 120 pounds in one year, you would expect I won’t fit anything for very long.  It took me losing almost 50 pounds to go from size 52 to 50.  But during the next 70 pounds, I will probably drop a few sizes.  There is also in my mind the idea that after I shift to weight maintenance, my body will keep changing for a while anyway.  120 pounds is a drastic amount to lose.  It might be another year before all the changes work out of my system.  

Anyway, that’s fine as fantasy.  The reality is, I still have 71 pounds to go.  When I get half way (60 pounds lost, 60 to go) I will have to think of a special reward.  Hmmmmm.

-The Doctor

20190428 Daily report

Saturday was my weigh-in day, I do it once per week.  It’s something I plan to do from now on to be in control of my weight.  But as I described yesterday, the result was very unsatisfying.  It looked as though I hadn’t lost any weight in two weeks.  (I have been ill, very low grade but affecting my digestion.) 

I’ve been keeping my food intake under control.  So I decided to weigh myself again when I woke up today, too.  I’m not sure why I wanted to weigh-in again.  I didn’t feel any different – actually worse, since I woke up with some body aches and had to take an Alleve.  But I pulled out the scale and weighed myself anyway.  And what did that prove? 

I want to trust you

My daily food intake and calorie count are:

Breakfast – 5 x pyrohi (75) plus butter

  • 500 calories

Lunch – 2 x BLT wraps (200)

  • 400 calories

Dinner – Ham (100); party food (700).

  • 800 calories

Snacking – tea with half and half (80)

  • 80 calories

Total for the day: 1780 calories (limit 1800)

OK, according to my data I lost four pounds between yesterday and today.  Sound good?

Buzzzzzzt!  No way!  This actually supports my illness theory, that I am suffering from weight fluctuations due to water retention.  Does this prove that I really weigh 278.4?  That would be amazing.  I haven’t weighed that since graduate school.  But I can’t pat myself on the back yet – this only proves I don’t know what my weight really is.  Moving around four pounds in one day just means I am still sick, even though I feel much better.  So the drama will all be next week, when I am (hopefully) fully recovered.  What will I really weigh???

I am happy, though.  I might still be in control!  So I might not have wasted the effort of the last two weeks, after all.  It’s my birthday Tuesday April 30, and I would be very proud to think I was below 280.  It might even be true.  That might have to be good enough for now.

The week is young – one day past weighing.  So far I kept on top of my food intake and it felt like everything was working together.  That’s the way I like it.  This evening around 9PM though, I walked into the kitchen and felt like I wanted to eat something.  I try not to ignore those feelings, so I went for a few grapes.  No, not wine!  Just table grapes.  It seems like that did the trick.  I will keep controlling my intake and hope that my weight monitoring goes back to normal as I get better.

-The Doctor

20190427 Saturday weigh-in

Every Saturday is weigh-in day.  I have committed to this behavior, for as long as I want to be in control of my weight.  (The rest of my life.)  My other directive is to regulate my food intake, which includes a lot more work.  Weighing should be easy – you get on the scale, you get off, once per week.  But it is (right now) the harder job.  While I’ve been ill, my body has felt out of control.  It doesn’t feel like I have been eating too much, but I don’t feel the immediate connection between my mind and body that I have enjoyed so much since January.  However, there’s good news, which is I have started to feel better.  Hopefully this coming week will find me back on course.  So how was my weigh-in?  

That’s better.  My weight is moving back in the desired direction.  I wasn’t sure what would happen today, when I stepped on the scale!  

This matches my weight from April 14, two weeks ago.  So did I lose two weeks?  It sure feels that way.  To control my weight, I make a sacrifice.  I give up one future – the one where I eat as much of everything as I like, for whatever joy that gives.  (It’s a shallow pleasure, but one I am used to.)  I replace it with another future – one where I am in control of my weight.  At this moment, it looks like I lost out on both futures. Part of me is unhappy because I only ate controlled amounts of food.  That’s the part of me that sacrificed the future where I was full.  Another part of me is mad about not losing weight.  That’s the future where I was in control of my eating.  Maybe I wasn’t in control, after all.

This is temptation to give up on your diet, when things get tough.  Parts of you are pressuring you to quit.  You’re giving up too much and getting nothing in return.  But don’t panic.  Don’t make a hasty decision.  Think about it, and give it some time.  In my case, I haven’t been well, and I know my body and mind haven’t been working together.  I can feel it.  I’ve been complaining about it in my posts since last week.  I’ve lost a lot of weight this way, and getting sick (according to my records) has always thrown off the diet.  I will concentrate this week on getting well, and making sure as many parts of me as possible are invested in the goal.  

The goal is not to lose weight, nor to reach a certain weight.  That’s not enough, if you want to keep the weight off.  Your goal has to be, to become a person who is in control of their weight.  In that future, you have the self knowledge to keep the weight off.  You keep weighing yourself and watching what you eat.  The way you can tell you are in control of your weight, is that you will lose when you want to and stay the same if you want to and gain if you want to.  Things are rough for me right now – when I haven’t been well, I haven’t been in control.  Here’s to getting back on top of it.

On a side note, I noticed in my food journal that for the last two weeks I haven’t eaten any bacon!  I am as shocked as you are.  That’s probably why I didn’t lose weight, haha.  I fixed that today – bacon for breakfast.  

-The Doctor

20190420 Saturday weigh-in

Hello, everyone.  I weigh myself once per week – on Saturday mornings – and keep track of the results.  It’s part of my program to be in control of my weight.  I have committed to a lifetime of keeping up two patterns I have observed in people who are in control of their bodies.  Thin people (1) monitor their weight frequently and (2) control their food intake carefully.  To monitor my weight once per week is the culmination of a week of careful control of my eating.  I have been weighing myself since January 1, 2019, when I was 325 pounds.  Last Saturday, I was 282.4 pounds.  How did I do this week?

Not as well.  In fact, I weighed 286.4 pounds at noon today.  That’s backsliding a little. You may be wondering, where is the customary picture I take standing on the scale?  There isn’t going to be one.  As Mark Twain said, in the battle-galleries of Versailles there are no paintings of French defeats, only victories.  I am the same.  I will admit the truth of what I weigh, but I only take pictures of the victories. 

So what happened this week?   Did I really gain 4 pounds??  My records of food intake for the week show that I was in calorie deficit and didn’t exceed an average of 1900 calories per day.  Per the USDA, a man my age needs 2500 calories per day to maintain his weight (there is lots of arguing about the exact number, I suppose it depends on the person).  My food intake was not steady – some meals were skipped, some meals were large, and my stomach seemed a beat or two behind.  I had some kind of stomach upset or illness all week.  It’s tempting to say that my gain was due to illness, and possible fluid retention.  Using that theory I don’t really know what my weight is this week.  The last time I had the flu (February) I didn’t bother weighing myself until I was better, so I don’t know what to expect. 

I noticed that I was falling into old patterns this week, too.  (Saturday is the day I reflect on my week and try to notice and figure out any problems.)  I noticed I was eating too quickly, not paying attention when I was eating, and sometimes letting myself get too hungry and desperate.  It didn’t feel in control.  When I put myself in control, it produces certain feelings, and a sense of satisfaction.  The satisfaction comes from working with different parts of my being aligned in a common purpose.  That produces a strong sense of meaning and adds a richness to the experience.  As I’ve tried to make clear from my pictures and descriptions, being on this diet is a wonderful experience.  I don’t spend any willpower starving myself.  I eat all the foods I like.  There is a trade-off, but I am willing to make it.  The trade is that it takes a lot of time and attention to make this work.  That takes some willpower.  Paying attention is hard.  

Making that trade is hard: you have to decide that you value your appearance and control of your body higher than almost anything else.  It becomes a hobby that you devote a lot of time to.  How much time?   At least an hour a day.  Is it worth it?  Oh, yes.

-The Doctor

20190413 Saturday weigh-in

Hello, everybody.  I have committed to a weekly weigh-in as part of my new lifestyle. 

That’s what thin people do.  They all  (1) monitor their weight and (2) monitor their food intake.  Be careful!  It’s so easy to fall back into your old life and old life, when you ignored your weight gain and didn’t monitor your food intake.  Keep going!  I plan to do this for as long as I plan to be thin.  That is, for the rest of my life.  Being in control of my weight is a value I have adopted right at the top of who I am – the new me.  

So how is the new me doing, monitoring my weight?  Last week I was 285.4 pounds.

A lower number than before

I need to be very consistent with my weighing.  I usually weigh-in once per week, on Saturday, before breakfast.  Today, I forgot.  I ate breakfast first!  So I waited to weigh until just before lunch.  I have no way of knowing how that changes things, so I don’t want to repeat that mistake next week.  But this means I have probably lost:

Pounds!!!
0

This week I had the recurrence of another old problem.  The weight measured by my scale fluctuated as I got off and on again.  My rule is, the first time I get on the scale is my weight.  So I stopped worrying about it.  My family also did their weigh-in today.  It’s as habit I plan to inculcate into our routine.  Every Saturday morning!  Later, we can take a family walk.  We will all learn together how to control each person’s weight.  

The weekly weigh-in is a time to take stock of my progress.  How am I doing?  It was a good week.  However, it still feels very slow.  I have lost weight, but I am still more than 70 pounds overweight.  That means I am still in large clothes and the differences I see in the mirror are still subtle.  Still, there is progress.  My rate of weight loss is still high.  I am on-track to lose all my extra weight by the end of the year.  It’s been a long time since I was normal weight.  What will that be like?  Will I make it?  What will my final weight be? 

It will also be a strange transition.  I will go from being in serious deficit (1800 calories per day), and raising my intake to about 2500 calories per day.  What will that do to my food intake plan?  It’s carefully balanced for losing weight.  Will I be able to let go and negotiate a new plan with myself?  

For now, I’d better stick to losing weight.  I’ve got some idea of what to do and how to do it.  The rest I will have to construct later.

-The Doctor

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