Daily tracking

20190822 Daily report

My daily task – from now until I decide to stop controlling my weight – is to keep a food journal, aka documenting and controlling my food intake.  I also call it regulating my food intke.  To measure it is to control it.  My other job is to weigh myself.  Right now, I am trying to lose weight.  At some point in the future, my job will be to maintain my weight.  Either way, I have to keep track of my weight and regulate my food intake.  Without those two principles weight control isn’t possible.  It is the price of getting thin and staying thin.  

How I face the day - breakfast

My food intake and calorie count

Breakfast – 6 Costco meatballs (276); hummus (70); whole wheat wrap (110)

  • 460 calories

Lunch – Italian sausage sub (450); coleslaw (50)

  • 500 calories 

Dinner – corn chips (200); 8oz beef tenderloin (485)

  • 685 calories

Snacking – Nestle Li’l Drums vanilla cone (110)

  • 110 calories

Total for the day: 1755 calories (limit 1800)

Live out your values

When values conflict, which ones win?  One of my most conscious values is weight control.  That means when it is time to eat, I should go eat, no matter what else is going on.  When that value is in conflict (something important is going on), it produces tension.  I know I should be stubbornly insisting on my values that I have chosen.  It is weak to let other things come first.  

On the other hand, this specific situation was my fault.  I could easily have make sure I had something to eat at the right time.  I have jerky snacks, there are restaurants nearby.  I didn’t do that.  I can only blame myself, and make sure I have thought about what to do next time – be responsible for myself.  

If the conflict is: eat now by myself, or eat later with the family, my answer is: eat when I am supposed to.  I am in serious deficit and have a serious weight problem.  I have chosen to put addressing that problem first in my life.  I can always sit with my family while they eat, later.  I suppose that is a good way to look at my experience – preparation for doing the right thing later.  It does mean doing the wrong thing and getting mad at yourself, though.  

Now I have eaten and I think my body is not going to be too upset or rebel against my weight control regime.  I feel a little like I want to eat more (not hungry, I am not hungry), but it’s not too bad.  I don’t  always eat steak for dinner, even if dinner was at 7.15PM!   That’s almost two hours late.  

I should also think about how to live out these values under stress.  Stress happens and you can learn to embrace the challenges, or go under and lose control for a while.  It wouldn’t be the end of the world.  I have successfully restarted my weight control program before.  But I would rather advance in my self knowledge and be able to grow in responsibility and ability and resilience.  It’s all about improving myself, even the weight control.

How will you improve yourself?

-The Doctor

20190821 Daily report

I keep a food journal every day – every meal, really.  If I didn’t do it every meal (every time I eat), I might forget things.  That’s no way to control your food intake!  And to control your intake, you have to keep track of what you are eating.  I do it by counting calories and writing it all down.  That is part of my mechanism for achieving weight control.  The other part is getting weighed every week.  That happens Saturdays.  Today is for the food journal.  

The Big Greek Cafe is open!

My food intake and calorie count

Breakfast – 1/2 slice Costco pepperoni pizza (355); 8 ounces New Orleans red beans (250); 2 mini kit kat bars (70)

  • 745 calories

Lunch – Big Greek Cafe Famous $5 Gyro (600)

  • 600 calories 

Dinner – pretzels (300); beef jerky (90)

  • 390 calories

Snacking – tea with half and half (80)

  • 80 calories

Total for the day: 1815 calories (limit 1800)

Abbreviated philosophizing

I had unexpected travel today, so pretzels for dinner and jerky!  I willl have more to say tomorrow.  Sleep well and dream of delicious food!

-The Doctor

20190820 Daily report

Since I became a new person, in January 2019, controlling my body’s weight has become one of the top values in my life.  It has been a transformation, resulting in paying a lot more attention to what I was eating, and how much.  I document and live out my transformation in a daily food journal, which I plan to keep on doing for ever.  

ersatz Cubano with horseradish sauce - 350 calories

My food intake and calorie count

Breakfast – 5 ounces cooked spaghetti (250) and cheese sauce (350)

  • 600 calories

Lunch – toasted ham (90); and cheese (100); sandwich on toasted bread (160) 

  • 350 calories 

Dinner – Costco pepperoni pizza (710); Snickers ice cream bar (180)

  • 890 calories

Snacking – tea with half and half (80); chicken pieces (50)

  • 130 calories

Total for the day: 1970 calories (limit 1800 + 500 bonus from swimming, total 2300)

Getting back into balance

To make this sandwich more cubano-like, I would have to swap out the Muenster cheese for Swiss, add some roasted pork loin, and toast the sandwich in a skillet (instead of the toaster).  That sounds good!  I’ll look into that.  Roasting meat is undesirable in the summer, so this version will have to do for now.  But I have some very good recipes for roasting pork loin.  There’s one I have been looking forward to making again – it’s an Italian recipe where you cook the loin in milk.  Fantastic!  But I don’t think that would work well in a Cubano.  

Yesterday I was tired and sleep deprived.  I worried I was in danger since I wouldn’t have concentration for my weight control.  Last night, though, was good for sleep.  I plan to keep that up today.  And I revived another successful practice – letting myself eat a little more on my swimming day.  My routine burns about 600 calories, and I allow myself to eat an extra 500, but I actually had about 200 extra today.  It feels like a reward, and I respond well to rewards.  That and the extra sleep helps me get back into balance.  

Balance is a state where maintaining my weight control lifestyle takes very little effort.  When in balance, I’m not letting myself get too hungry, I am eating the right amounts of food at the right times; I have foods that I want on-hand and prepared.  My mental state is good, I have plenty of sleep, and I have enough time to devote to my hobby (weight control).  I want to be in balance and stay there.  It is a lot of trouble to get careless, lose control, and have to struggle back.  Plus, it interferes with my weight loss progress.  It took me eight weeks to go from 265 pounds to 254.  I was hoping to do that in four or five weeks.  

Balance is tricky to maintain.  Sometimes you just aren’t going to make it home in time to eat.  Then I get too hungry, and my body doesn’t respond well to getting too hungry – it wants to EAT and I could easily lose control.  To guard against that, I keep snacks with me (jerky) but I often don’t think of it until too late.  There is no balance when you have gotten sleep deprived.  Sometimes that just happens and one day isn’t so bad.  But I will sometimes let myself stay up late for days in a row, and it gets chronic and saps my reserves.  I have also gotten into a bad place where the food I have in the house isn’t desireable to me – if I have gotten lazy and not prepared or cooked anything.  

Balance takes work!  But it is a good place to be, if you can maintain it.  It’s less work to maintain balance than it is to climb out of diet failure.  Strive for your own balance.  How do you define it?

-The Doctor

20190819 Daily report

Controlling your body’s weight is not a 5 minute job (nor a one-and-done!).  It takes serious dedication, like it is a hobby, or even an obsession.  I spend an hour a day maintaining my food journal, planning out meals, shopping, not to mention writing these posts.  That kind of commitment has paid off so far, with 71 pounds lost from my highest weight, back in January.  Back when I was gaining weight, one of the main differences from now was that I was not paying a lot of attention to how much I ate, and not spending any time thinking about it, writing about it, worrying about it.  That’s a sacrifice I have chosen to make: time for weight control.  I do the same thing with my personal finances.  I pay attention to them and try to keep things under control.  

Ready, set, grill!

My food intake and calorie count

Breakfast – corned beef (250); cabbage, carrot, and potato (100); 1000 Island dressing (30); wrap (90); also a piece of baklava (100)

  • 570 calories

Lunch – 6x pizza slices (100)

  • 600 calories 

Dinner – 8oz New Orleans red beans (250); 5oz cooked rice (160); baguette piece (100); tea cookie (50)

  • 560 calories

Snacking – tea with half and half (80)

  • 80 calories

Total for the day: 1810 calories (limit 1800)

Careening on the edge?

It’s better than falling off the edge into diet hell.  But I mean that last night, I stayed up late for no good reason (past 1AM), woke up a bit late, had to hustle all day feeling a bit tired, and my food schedule was thrown a off.  That isn’t good.  You should be well rested and ready to tackle your food control lifestyle.  It can’t be something you get to when you aren’t too tired.  It has to be the priority.  There’s a danger, as I have discovered from my own experience, from getting tired while trying to eat less.  

Breakfast was ok, but I wasn’t hungry for lunch on time and didn’t eat until an hour or so later than usual (12.30).  By contrast, I couldn’t stop thinking about dinner after about 3.30PM – my concentration was affected.  I gave in and ate dinner just before 5PM, but then found myself snacking on baguette and a cookie well after dinner (8PM).  You know what I mean.  Sometimes the body has a mind of its own when you are tired and distracted.  I did manage to pay attention, though – the baguette piece and cookie didn’t feel rewarding, since I wasn’t really hungry when I ate them.  Even though the total calories worked out, I see today as a partial failure, since I was out of control and ate after dinner when I wasn’t hungry.  

Tomorrow is a new day to do it right.  I will be going to bed on time tonight!  I plan to be good at my hobby, and successful.

Interestingly, my usual swimming pool is closed for its annual maintenance cycle.  I have to venture elsewhere tomorrow and for the next 2 weeks, so that will be an adventure. 

Be well rested!  Weight control needs your best self.  

-The Doctor

20190818 Daily report

Every day, I write down what I eat in my food journal.  It is one commitment I have made to myself.  That commitment is a consequence of my choice to recreate myself.  I am now a person who cares a lot about his body weight being under control.  (If it’s under control, then I can choose how thin I want to be.)  This is a deeper goal than “dieting” or “being thin”.  It’s a goal worthy of a new lifestyle and a new set of moral values.  The revolution occurred in my mind, and my body is slowly living out the consequences.  That’s much better than keeping my mind and values the way they were, and forcing myself to diet and be thin.  I would be fighting myself all the time!  

Spanish tortilla is eggs, onions, potatoes and olive oil

My food intake and calorie count

Breakfast – Bratwurst wraps (300)

  • 600 calories

Lunch –  3x Spanish tortilla slices (166); mayonnaise (100); noodles and cheese (100)

  • 700 calories 

Dinner – ham (90); Muenster (140); and toasted bread (160) sandwich

  • 390 calories

Snacking – tea with half and half (80)

  • 80 calories

Total for the day: 1770 calories (limit 1800 + 500 bonus from swimming, total 2300)

Things are going well (!)

Balance is very important.  I must balance appetite and satisfaction, for one thing.  That means I want to be hungry just in time for eating.  Too hungry – danger of feeling unsatisfied and eating more than I want.  Not hungry enough – the food isn’t as satisfying.  (Food always tastes better when you are hungry.  If you are hungry AND have been looking forward to the exact food you have ready – perfect.)  Also, if I’m not hungry, maybe my last meal was too big. 

I have been training myself to find just the right balance of being hungry (at the right time) and then satisfying that appetite with something worthwhile.  No “diet foods” for me.   They are my definition of unsatisfying.  I am also allowing myself to eat any food I want (I mean, any food I am willing to pay the price for).  I often have pizza, or bread, or pretzels, meat, cheese, fruit, vegetables…. I do have preferences but they are a matter of taste and satisfaction rather than diet.    For example: I haven’t had a glass of milk, or apple cider, or popcorn, or a bag of chips, or more than a dozen french fries, in a long time.  Those things just aren’t worth the price when I am restricted to 1800 calories per day.  

One question I am asking myself is: once I have the body weight I want, how will I adapt my system of weight control?  Will I be hungry for meals when I am eating, say, 3000 calories a day instead of 1800?

But that is more for the future.  Right now, I am seeking balance.  By paying attention, it is possible.  But it takes a lot of attention, it is expensive to lose weight and keep off weight – in terms of the attention I am paying.  That’s attention I don’t have for other things.  But for now, it is enough.  My value is to be in control of my body’s weight and the price is paying attention.  

-The Doctor

20190816 Daily report

I keep a food journal, and write these posts.  Why write it all down every day?  Because that ensures success at controlling my body’s weight.  Successful people sacrifice, and I am sacrificing in order to get thin.  It is also nice to think that what I am experiencing will help someone else.  

What I am sacrificing is the future.  It’s a future where I can eat as much as I like and not worry bout consequences.  It was a fun place to live, for say my whole life up until January 2019.  It was then that I realized that (1) that wasn’t going to work for me if I wanted to be in control of my weight and (2) people who are thin and stay thin really work at it.  I am studying thin people like they are a different species.  Why do they eat?  How do they know to stop?  Why does staying thin take so much effort?  

But if something is worthwhile, it is worth the effort.  Maybe a lot of effort.  

Pizza Friday for me!

My food intake and calorie count

Breakfast – 2x Bratwurst wraps (300)

  • 600 calories

Lunch – 2x corned beef (125); boiled cabbage, carrot, and potato (50); wraps (45); with Thousand Island dressing (15)

  • 470 calories 

Dinner – pizza (450); 3oz chicken strips (125); half cupcake (100)

  • 675 calories

Snacking – tea with half and half (80); 11AM cookies (200)

  • 280 calories

Total for the day: 2025 calories (limit 1800 + 500 bonus from swimming, total 2300)

Listening to yourself

I am finding that eating small meals (designed to deliver about 60% of what my body needs to maintain its weight) is very satisfying, if I structure the day carefully.  That means listening to myself.  If I eat certain foods, they stick with me and I am not tempted much to eat between meals.  That means each meal has to be a Meal and not just some stuff.  You have to look forward to it.  That means I have to plan out what I am going to have during the day and the week.  Then I can look forward to that food and it becomes very satisfying to eat it.  It feels like my body and mind are working together that way.  

This week I made sure I was looking forward to every meal.  I had:

  • Spaghetti and meatballs
  • Corned beef and cabbage
  • Red beans and rice
  • Spanish tortilla
  • Grilled bratwurst
  • Corned beef Reuben wraps

I noticed that if I carefully structured the meals when I got hungry for them, and knew in advance what I wanted, I did hardly any snacking, and none after dinner.  Snacking after dinner has always been a problem behavior for me, in the old days I might have effectively eaten a second dinner.  Well after dinner.  Generally I was hungry an hour after waking up, then close to 11:30AM, then 5:30PM.  Not always, but most of the time.  After dinner, if I had done well, I just wasn’t hungry.  Today I went swimming and burned about 600 calories, but I don’t feel deprived or hungry at all. 

In this system, each meal is a reward for letting myself develop an appetite.  Rewards are definitely the way to keep yourself on a weight loss regime.  There are people who say you shouldn’t use food as a reward, and to them I say: “I have lost nearly 75 pounds using food as a reward.  Rewards work if your head is in the right place and the goal of your eating is not fullness but rather a good appetite.” 

You get a good appetite by letting yourself just get a little hungry, and then rewarding yourself with food you really want.  Not too much food, because the goal is to have a good appetite for your next meal – which is also a food you are really looking forward to.  So far the system works.  I have been having a struggle with the last few weeks to lose weight, but I have solved it.  I had gotten careless and let myself slip away from the goal.  It’s amazing how much attention you have to pay, to steadily lose weight.  

Change your mind and your body will follow.

-The Doctor

20190815 Daily report

Every day, I live out a commitment I have made to myself and those close to me.  I am a new person; I believe in different things than before and I look at the world in a different way.  That’s a kind of magic, to look at the world in a new way and to recreate yourself in a way that the world will notice.  My new values include being in control of my body’s weight and to use that control to be thin and fit.  That’s now in my top three of life values.  Flowing from that value is my commitment.  I will (1) regulate my food intake and (2) weigh myself regularly. That does not mean that I will suffer doing that.  On the contrary, I nourish myself with loving care and home cooking.  

Red beans and ricely yours!

My food intake and calorie count

Breakfast – 2 pieces Spanish tortilla (166); whole wheat wrap (90); mayonnaise (60)

  • 490 calories

Lunch – 2x grilled bratwurst wraps (300)

  • 600 calories 

Dinner – 12 ounces red beans and rice (375); 5 ounces cooked rice (160)

  • 535 calories

Snacking – tea with half and half (80); pre-dinner 3oz chicken strips (100)

  • 180 calories

Total for the day: 1805 calories (limit 1800)

Keeping focused

When I made dinner tonight, I thought I would end up with only a little food on my plate.  To my surprise, a whole recipe of New Orleans red beans and rice (1 pound of beans, 3 ounces bacon, 9 ounces andouille sausage, 7 cups chicken stock, an onion and a bell pepper) came to about 2000 calories.  When I finished cooking it, the whole weighed 4 pounds!  That means 500 calories per pound.  I didn’t quite have that many calories left in my budget for today, but 3/4 pound is still a lot of red beans, check out the picture.  I did not starve!  I am still satisfied (defined as non-hungry) hours later. 

And that was definitely the best red beans and rice I ever made.  Maybe that’s because I was so hungry (it was 6.30 by the time I ate, since it takes so long to make).  I had to have a snack of chicken strips before dinner at 5.30 because I was getting too hungry.  I was worried the snack would ruin my appetite, but that was not the case.  It was so good that putting Tabasco on top didn’t improve the flavor!  I didn’t even add any salt and pepper.  It was perfect the way it came out of the pot.  So that was a perfect cap for my appetite.  Today was a total success, food wise.  I got hungry, and then ate food that was worth the trouble.  

Take care of your appetite!   Use it wisely.

-The Doctor

 

20190814 Daily report

Every day, I keep a food journal as part of my commitment to a new lifestyle of weight control.  For years, I didn’t pay much attention as my weight slowly increased.  I did try a few times to lose some weight, but nothing worked very well  and I soon quit.  The only thing that worked a bit was a low carbohydrate diet, butit turned out therer are two parts to losing weight on a low carb diet: low carbs and low calories!  I had part 1 working really well, but part 2 was lacking.  

Now I just do the calorie counting.  Carbs can be high or low and I don’t care.  Behold my lunch and its big flatbread full of carbohydrates!

Big Greek Cafe! $5 Gyro Wednesday!

My food intake and calorie count

Breakfast – 3 slices Kirkland low fat ham (90); Muenster cheese (140); sandwich bread (140) 

  • 370 calories

Lunch – Big Greek Cafe Gyros sandwich (600)

  • 600 calories 

Dinner – Spanish tortilla (500); 1.5 Tbsp mayonnaise (150); piece of soft pretzel (100)

  • 750 calories

Snacking – morning tea with half and half (80); 

  • 80 calories

Total for the day: 1800 calories (limit 1800)

Hunger is the goal

Today I was very careful to protect my appetite.  That sounds better than hunger, eh?  People don’t like to be hungry, in the context of losing weight and calorie deficits.  I think I could sell the idea of appetite protection better. 

So: today I was careful to protect my appetite.  I didn’t eat after dinner yesterday, and about an hour after I woke up, my appetite was at peak power (that is, I was hungry with a strong adjective in front of it).   It always takes my stomach about an hour to wake up.  Anyway, I spent that first hour dithering over what to have for breakfast.  But once hunger asserted itself, the decision was made instantly with no more waffling.  I toasted some Italian bread and made a terrific breakfast sandwich.  Oh, it was good, with the pickles and mustard and ham and cheese and toasty bread.  That was worth waiting for.  

Remember: when you are hungry, food that you like becomes even better.   It’s like a reward for getting hungry! 

I had tea, too.  That helped the rest of me wake up.  Then I worked until lunchtime.  I was worried that I wouldn’t get hungry by 11.30, because at 11.15 I still didn’t feel anything.  But, by the time I got to the restaurant at 11.40 I was feeling it and by the time I got home to eat my Gyros I was pretty ravenous.  I had been looking forward to that sandwich for days – perfection.  I plunged back into my work and didn’t look up until 5PM.

I was careful not to eat anything before dinner, which was one of my favorite meals.  For dinner I made a Spanish tortilla.  That’s basically an omelette filled with potatoes and onions, all cooked in a half cup (!) of olive oil.  Eggs are only 80 calories each (800 calories in the tortilla recipe) but the olive oil makes up most of the rest (960), then the potatoes (300) and onion (70).  You can see that 1/4 of the tortilla will be ~530 calories.  There’s very little spicing (black pepper and salt) so the olive oil is the star of the dish.  Since it is a Spanish dish I like to use a Spanish olive oil, like the Trader Joe’s version.  Columela also makes a very nice Spanish olive oil.  I enjoyed every bite, though I can’t say I ate the whole meal slowly and carefully – I didn’t eat until about 6.20PM.  That’s a bit late for me.

Now it’s 10PM.  I do not feel even slightly hungry.  There is no need to snack on pretzels or cheese or anything, so I am all set for tonight.  I know that tomorrow when I wake up, and after my stomach wakes up, what I will have.  And I am looking forward to that, and to lunch, and to dinner.  This is very much the way to succeed.  I feel happy and satisfied and not even slightly deprived.  I used my appetite to advantage, and rewarded myself carefully and lovingly.  Since I took care of my appetite, now there is no desire to snack.  Tomorrow’s plan is pulling me forward and I want to have a good appetite so that I really enjoy it.  Hearty appetite to you!

-The Doctor

20190813 Daily report

Dieting is a mug’s game.  It’s a temporary change and comes with a severe danger: you may gain back all the weight you lose.  Instead, change your mind and embrace a strategy of weight control.  Once your thinking is under control, you can bring your eating under control.  Then your body will follow.  Weight control means you are paying a lot of attention to what you are eating, and the rest – why, and how much.  You learn a lot about yourself.  And having taken control of your life is very fulfilling, because you can use the process of self discovery to refine your tastes.   

80 calories per egg. Don't fear the carbohydrates.

My food intake and calorie count

Breakfast – ham (150) and cheese (70) sandwich (140) with 1 Tablespoon of hummus (40)

  • 400 calories

Lunch – 2x bratwurst wraps (300)

  • 600 calories 

Dinner – corned beef and cabbage wrap (250); 2 eggs, 0.5 oz cheese and toast (350)

  • 600 calories

Snacking – 2x Reese’s peanut butter cups (80); 

  • 160 calories

Total for the day: 1760 calories (limit 1800 + 500 bonus from swimming, total 2300)

Lead with hunger

During my weight loss work, I am supposed to focus on on how I feel.  I know when I have my food balance right because I feel hungry just in time for the next meal.  I’m not supposed to feel hungry between meals, though there is sometimes a temptation to eat between meals anyway!  But if you focus on being hungry as the signal for eating, then food eaten outside of meals interferes with your signal. 

When you do it right, getting hungry and then satisfying the hunger with something you love to eat is very fulfilling and rewarding.  When you corrupt the signal, it’s less of a reward and there’s less incentive to make it all work properly.  I feel like I have lost this balance.  Looking at my food record the last few weeks, I see a fair amount of grazing after dinner.  Even though the calorie counts have not been that far off, it’s had a bad effect on my weight loss.  Eating after dinner can throw off the whole next day. 

Waking up with your stomach empty is a satisfying feeling.  Isn’t that strange – being unsatisfied is satisfying?  But I rarely wake up hungry.  My stomach seems to take about an hour to wake up after I do.  But the system just works better when I start the day off totally empty.  So that’s a new rule (or newly rediscovered).  Focus on being hungry for breakfast, and empty when you wake up.  Don’t eat after dinner, make sure dinner is satisfying.  

The last few days, I rediscovered this almost by accident, by going to bed on time!  I had to concentrate on getting things done and there was no snacking after dinner.  Immediately that set my days up perfectly for the cycle of hunger and satisfaction.  Food tastes better when you are hungry for it and you can really rev up your anticipation by knowing what you are going to eat, and when.  Satisfying that hunger, with the exact food you want, makes it worthwhile going to the trouble of getting hungry in the first place.  Focus on hunger!

-The Doctor

20190812 Daily report

To lose weight is difficult.  To lose a lot of weight, very difficult.  To then keep your new weight, is almost impossible.  At least, if you are forcing yourself to do it.  That takes willpower I don’t have. 

Over the last eight (!) months, I have learned a lot about myself.  I was able to transform myself into a person capable of losing weight, first a little, and then a lot.  68 pounds is a lot by anyone’s measure.  (I will have about 52 to go before I plan to stop and re-assess.)   Willpower-as-force wasn’t in it.  I tried ordering myself to lose weight many times in the past.  Amazingly, that didn’t work.  So it was time to change.  

Losing weight doesn't have to mean starving!

My food intake and calorie count

Breakfast – ham (150) and Muenster cheese (70) on bread (140)

  • 360 calories

Lunch – grilled bratwurst wrap (300); 4 ounces cooked spaghetti (200), 2 Costco meatballs (100)

  • 600 calories 

Dinner – 4 ounces corned beef (300); cabbage (25); carrots (25); potatoes (200)

  • 550 calories

Snacking – tea with half and half (80); pretzels and cheese (210); red grapes (100)

  • 390 calories

Total for the day: 1900 calories (limit 1800)

And those were pretty awesome grapes

I went a bit over my calorie limit today.  I didn’t plan on it either, which is a bit weak.  But I did carefully plan out dinner – corned beef and cabbage using a slow cooker!  The cabbage was a bit well done, but everything else was perfectly cooked.  I will probably do that again.  It was so easy.  But then I decided to eat grapes, and they were really, really good.  So I will have to pay for that at my next weighing. 

Good news: I got on the scale again this morning – 257.2 pounds, the lowest ever.  Maybe I was onto something real yesterday, when I speculated that it takes time for extra food (binge) that I ate earlier in the week, to work its way out of the body.  Let’s look at the math.  Normally I would lose about 2 pounds per week which is 0.3 per day over 7 days.  I weighed 258 on Sunday and 257.2 Monday.  That’s an extra half pound less than I should expect.  (Note that this doesn’t mean anything much today – bodies and scales are imprecise and vary a lot.  What will I weigh tomorrow?  If the trend continues I will take it as confirmation.)   

Above, I was talking about what had to change for me to lose weight.  The first thing that had to change was my mind.  In my mind, I didn’t want to bother with getting thin and staying thin.  I thought I was enjoying life, not paying attention and just satisfying whatever cravings I had with as much food as I could eat.  I thought that was pretty satisfying.

But it turns out that lifestyle was kind of shallow and unrefined.  And resulted in overweight.  And as my dissatisfaction with my body’s weight increased, the pleasure of eating without paying any attention, diminished.  I wasn’t able to lose weight by force (willpower).  So what was there to change?  (1) What I valued and (2) how much attention I was willing to pay.  

To examine your values and sacrifice your old self – that is a fundamental transformation.  I’m not the same person anymore.  I pay a lot of attention to what I am eating and how much.  And I value being in control of my weight more than I value most other things in my life.  What happened to my old self?  It’s gone.  How I experience the world and how I grapple with the problem of my body is different.  Now, it is dramatic and exciting and satisfying, and I am living very intensely by paying a lot of attention.  

What do you value?  What are your top three values?  I can tell you one of mine – be in control of your bod’s weight. 

-The Doctor

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