Long term dieting

20190922 Daily report

These reports detail my daily attempt to live a new lifestyle: one that enables me to control my body’s weight.  On the downside, it takes a lot of time and attention to be successful.  On the good side, it’s hard to imagine going back to what I was doing before.  This new life means I pay attention to myself and carefully make sure I am fulfilled while eating a controlled amount of food – it works on many levels. 

Thick cut bacon on these BLT wraps

My food intake and calorie count

Breakfast – 6x pizza slices (90)

  • 540 calories

Lunch – pretzels (150) 4x pizza slices (90) cookie (40)

  • 550 calories 

Dinner – macaroni and cheese (440)

  • 440 calories

Snacking – tea with half and half (80); Perdue chicken strips (200)

  • 280 calories

Total for the day: 1820 calories (limit 1800)

Back home

It’s been quite a month.  I’ve just gotten home from another weekend of travel, but I am due to be home for a few weeks now.  Hopefully I can get my lifestyle and body back in shape and losing weight again soon.  I have to really pay attention to make that work!  As I said a few weeks ago, since I weigh less now, my body will need fewer calories and weight loss will come harder.    I will have to be very strict and, in consequence, very careful to make sure my body doesn’t feel deprived.  Or else, as one of my brothers says, you end up in front of the refrigerator in your underwear at 2AM, eating.  

It’s the first day of fall.  For the first time in many years, I am not planning to have any apple cider.  It’s just too many calories for my diet of 1800 per day (120 calories per 8oz cup!).  I used to drink several glasses a day in the fall, and I learned to associate that with the cooler weather and turning leaves.  I saw the leaves starting to turn on the long drive through Pennsylvania, West Virginia, and Maryland.  Oh well, there are compensations.  Really, I am not allowed to have any calories unregulated these days, and apple cider is no exception.  I knew going into this lifestyle that I would have to sacrifice some things, like drinking all the cider I felt like.  I can, of course, have a measured amount.  I will think about it.  I was able to fit in 400 calories worth of cookies just a few days ago!  I haven’t done that since.  

Personal growth is difficult.  Many of us would just rather not change anything and continue to live our lives.  But then changes are forced on you and it’s a shock.  I think I am learning to gently change over time.  At least in some ways.  

To bed!  I have important living and paying attention to do tomorrow, and a lack of sleep will not help.

-The Doctor

20190920 Daily report

How things have changed.  For many years, I didn’t give any thought to how much I was eating, or why.  I didn’t put it into words, but my reason for eating was to be full.  I ate until I was full at every meal, with lots of enthusiasm.  In consequence, I got to be 120 pounds overweight, maybe more.  It took a long time – more than 20 years, to get so overweight.

Now I pay attention to what I am eating, how much, and when; and think about the consequences for the next meal, the next day, and the next week.  A daily food journal has been my obsession for the last nine months.  And it’s helped.  I have gotten so that my reason for eating has changed.  Now, I embrace hunger, since food tastes best when you are hungry for it. 

The Doctor's breakfast sandwich

My food intake and calorie count

Breakfast – ham (90), cheese (100), toast (160) sandwich with pickle and mustard

  • 350 calories

Lunch – 2x BLT wraps (200); [4 slices of bacon x 70 calories, 1 bread wrap x 110 calories, tomato and horseradish sauce]

  • 400 calories 

Dinner – 6x Aldi pizza slices (100); [half a pizza!]

  • 600 calories

Snacking – tea with half and half (110); cookies at teatime (160); cookies after dinner (180)

  • 450 calories

Total for the day: 1800 calories (limit 1800 + 500 bonus from swimming, total 2300)

The art of eating cookies on a diet

It really has a lot to do with paying attention.  I bought some hazelnut doppelino cookies from Aldi and wanted to have them today.  I had cookies twice; once around 11AM and once at 6PM.  Since I knew I could have 4 cookies for 160 calories, I stuck to that.  Later, I had three hazelnut cookies and a different chocolate cookie – 180 calories for that total.  

My breakfast sandwich is also becoming a favorite.  What makes it breakfast?  Well, I eat it for breakfast.  That’s about it.  Someday I might try putting an egg on it, but I don’t think it would improve it.  But it’s great because it’s ready quickly, and in the morning I have an issue where my stomach doesn’t wake up quickly, but when it does, it wants food Now!  The bread is long slices of Italian bread optimized for panini sandwiches.  I just use one piece per sandwich, though.  The other reason this is a favorite (besides the great flavor and textures in the different layers) is that the whole thing is 350 calories, and it is very filling.  

And today, I made bacon.  I haven’t done that in a while!  Thick sliced bacon, oven fried at 400F, makes a tremendously good BLT.  I either use Kirkland’s or Wright’s thick cut bacon, but I have heard good things about Oscar Meyer’s thick sliced, and Smithyfield’s.  It takes a lot of tomato and lettuce and whole wheat wrap to balance out all the bacon, and then it gets zinged up with horseradish sauce.  It’s such a treat for me, that I don’t mind eating a measured amount.  After all, I am hungry for this BLT meal, anticipate it, prepare it, and eat 400 calories of it.  Then, I know I will be hungry for pizza later!  It was a feeling of nonstop taking care of myself today, with the cookies and all.  That makes eating less food possible for me. 

I did swim today – for the first time in a week!  The first day back swimming after a break is always ok.  But I have observed that the next time I go swimming (Tuesday) it will be harder – my muscles will be complaining and I will have a harder time breathing.  

And last, by eating 1800 calories today, I’ve made sure my weighing tomorrow will be more accurate, or at least more encouraging.  Not that I expect to have lost anything this week!   I will be pretty happy if I weigh the same as I did two weeks ago.  Now the real work can begin.  A new week!  And I know I will enjoy it.  That’s how the system is set up.

-The Doctor

20190919 Daily report

Controlling my body’s weight is the goal.  Right now, I am losing weight, because I am spending a lot of time and effort to control and record how much I eat.  However, I don’t actually know what weight I am trying to achieve.  I assumed when I started doing this that I would want to weigh 205 pounds.  Why?  Well, that’s a number from the US Army acceptance criteria for new recruits of my height.  They can’t weight more than that, and be accepted as new recruits.  Notice even the Army doesn’t say what the correct weight should be.  For someone my height (74 inches) you can’t weight more than 205 (the number varies with age) or less than 148 pounds.  That’s a range of over 50 pounds!  Where do I fit in there?  

I am not overwhelmed by the amount of egg

My food intake and calorie count

Breakfast – Jimmy Dean egg sausage and cheese croissantwich (400)

  • 400 calories

Lunch – canned ravioli (200); 2x baked breaded panko chicken breast pieces (200)

  • 600 calories 

Dinner – Canned ravioli (260); ham (150) and cheese (70) sandwich on bread (200) with mustard and pickles and horseradish mayo (10); Perdue chicken pieces (100)

  • 790 calories

Snacking – tea with half and half (80); pretzels and cheese (300); chocolate almonds (200)

  • 580 calories

Total for the day: 2370 calories (limit 1800) 

Needs

First, notice that I had nearly 600 calories more today than I should have.  I didn’t exercise, either.  It was a strange day for my appetite, too.  I had breakfast and lunch on time, but was hungry by 2.30 and had a snack, then had dinner before 4.30.  After dinner I was still very interested in eating so I had even more food.  

Normally, I allow this kind of thing twice a week.  Sometimes I call it a cheat day but usually I justify it by saying I am hungry because I exercised.  Not today, I didn’t!  I don’t know why I got so hungry, or at least was so interested in eating more.  I feel very full now, and that doesn’t feel good.  I have really gotten away from the feeling that the goal of eating is to be full!  

Amazingly, this still fits into my diet regime.  I normally have those cheat days, and I am still close to my average calorie count for the week.  As I said before for me this week is about getting back into my weight control lifestyle, and I don’t expect to have lost any weight this week, after all the travel.  I have already made some mistakes – not recording everything I ate, underestimating calories in what I did eat, and eating after dinner.  For example, I had some grapes this week.  Somehow that didn’t make it into my journal.  And I had some chicken pieces, recorded yesterday, but looking at the package now it seems clear I ate more than I thought.  Well, this is all getting back into my rhythm.  I won’t make those mistakes again.  

Back to the issue of my final weight.  I don’t know what it will be, because I have never tried being thin and staying thin before.  Once my weight is under control and below 205, I plan to stop and see if I like how I look and feel.  I may stay there for several weeks or months!  After that, I may decide that weighing 190 or 180 pounds suits me better.  Assuming I follow through with that I will have lost 135 or 145 pounds from my highest weight – amazing.  At that point things may get expensive – I will have to buy new clothes forth, and I will have to spend the time needed to keep my body’s weight under control and my lifestyle healthy.  The two are linked, and the better I like my lifestyle, the easier it will be to willingly follow it.  

Don’t see it as a burden, but as a price you are willing to pay.  

-The Doctor

20190918 Daily report

My decision to enshrine weight control as one of my top values changed my life.  I live out my new life style every day, and I am proud to say that controlling my body’s weight is a top priority and is my favorite hobby, if you look at the amount of time I spend on it.  Best of all, my system is self-reinforcing, because it relies on figuring out what I want, and then giving it to myself.  

What I want is a gyro sandwich! See the dill pieces? Fabulous.

My food intake and calorie count

Breakfast – Costco cheese pizza half slice (380)

  • 380 calories

Lunch – Big Greek Cafe Famous $5 Gyro Wednesday!!! (600);

  • 600 calories 

Dinner – 8.5 ounces meatloaf (480); 3/4 flatbread (80)

  • 560 calories

Snacking – tea with half and half (160); Perdue chicken strips (100)

  • 260 calories

Total for the day: 1800 calories (limit 1800)

The difference

I am doing some thinking about how my body is doing out in the world, now that I am a bit thinner.  I spent the last three days at a technical conference downtown.  That means a lot of sitting in chairs in a large ballroom, listening to intermittently interesting things.  But basically a lot of sitting in chairs, usually closely spaced.  Also, I traveled to this conference and back every day, on subway trains, which also involves a lot of sitting in cramped seats, usually next to someone.  

Thinner is noticeably better.  It takes longer to get tired of sitting in the chairs.  You can also fit in the confined spaces a bit better.  Also, if you see yourself in the mirror or in the subway glass, you notice you look better.  I’ve never really put into words why being thin is good (or reasonably thin).  Obviously it is good, or I wouldn’t be trying to do it.  As a goal, getting thinner is a failure, but as a state of being it has a lot of good built into it.  (My goal is weight control maintained as a lifestyle.)  I will think some more about this. 

What makes it difficult is that so many of us who have gotten overweight try to use these good things as motivators to get thinner.  Other people also try to use the good of being thinner to try and motivate you.  That doesn’t work, as I have explained in my very first posts on how to start losing weight.  Everyone who is overweight is motivated to get thin.  Motivation isn’t the answer and if anyone asks me, “Doctor, what made you decide to lose weight?” my answer will be, “I decided to lose weight many years ago, but what changed was was my mind.  My body is the lagging indicator.”  Really, I figured out a way I could use to lose weight successfully and I have been living that out ever since. 

What changed?  Not my motivations.  I changed the way I thought about food and eating.  And I was only able to do that after realizing that being thin was achievable if I was willing to do a lot of work and keep it up forever.  In short, I figured out that thin people who stay thin are pretty obsessed about it.  I sacrificed my old self and became a new person, obsessed with my new hobby.  And it has worked so far. 

Don’t try to motivate yourself.  Has that ever worked?  Instead, see the world differently.  “Think thin” just means you have decided to put in a lot of work.  Take pride in that.  

-The Doctor

20190917 Daily report

My job in these daily entries is to live out my commitment to weight control.  When I started doing this, I decided the real goal wasn’t to lose weight or to reach a certain goal weight.  That would just be the beginning.  The real goal was to be in control of my body’s weight.  My body will be changing all the time, so meeting it will be a life long challenge.  Once I have lost all the excess weight (75 pounds so far) my goal will stay the same: keep whatever weight I choose.  

To control my body’s weight, I decided I needed two things: (1) regulate my food intake (by keeping a food journal) and (2) weigh myself regularly.  I also realized I couldn’t force myself to do these things.  I don’t have that kind of willpower.  So I had to transform myself into a different person with different life goals.  But that doesn’t mean I have to suffer while losing weight.  I can eat regulated amounts of whatever I choose.  

Vegetable curry with coconut milk and spices.

My food intake and calorie count

Breakfast – Lantz cheese crackers (200); Kirkland granola bar (100)

  • 300 calories

Lunch – boxed lunch sandwich (250); chips (200)

  • 450 calories 

Dinner – 13.5 ounces vegetable curry (350); 5oz cooked jasmine rice (160)

  • 510 calories

Snacking – tea with half and half (100); oatmeal raisin cookie (100); Snickers ice cream bar (180); Hershey’s chocolate bar (220)

  • 600 calories

Total for the day: 1860 calories (limit 1800)

Forwards! Backwards! Forwards again!

Mentally, I am prepared to have my second week in a row with no progress on my weight loss program.  For complicated reasons and travel, last week was a wash calories wise.  I didn’t even weigh myself last Saturday.  I even missed three days of my food journal and had to reconstruct them afterwards, with guessing.  I wasn’t in a position to measure!  

I returned to the normal weight control style eating habit on Sunday, after four days of not measuring or properly recording my food intake.  On average, I am guessing for those days I ate about 2200 calories per day.  Based on past experience, it will take at least a week to get that bulk out of my system.  I even felt full all the time, which was strange and unusual, as for most of the last 9 months I haven’t eaten enough to feel full. 

It doesn’t seem like a lot…..400 extra calories per day for four days.  I don’t expect to have lost any weight though, even though I was technically in calorie deficit most of the time.  I have found for consistent weight loss, I have to be in deficit for the whole week.  For the same reason, if I have extra calories on Friday, my weighing on Saturday gets thrown off.  But I am thinking it will take this whole week just to get back to my previous recorded low of 249.2 pounds.  

I am pleased with my progress.  The next 45 or so pounds may be harder to lose, though.  Other people have done it, so I can too.  You can find out with me.  

My other issue is sleep.  I haven’t been prioritizing getting enough rest.  That also saps my ability to control my food intake, write this blog, and live well, generally.  So I will take my own advice and get ready for bed.  I have a lot of work tomorrow.  

How will you make your life better?  What is your ambition?

-The Doctor

20190911 Daily report

The days go on, but my commitment stays the same.  I will live a weight control lifestyle and keep it at the top of my moral hierarchy.  Strangely, it is enjoyable and very satisfying, because of the way all the layers of my mind are lining up and enriching my experience.  I have lived very well since January, when I started paying attention to this.  Before, I didn’t think twice about how much I was eating, and only ate for the immediate pleasures of eating and being full.  Living the way I have worked out over the last nine months has gotten me a lot of self knowledge, which I have used to maximize the sensual pleasures of eating.  Now, I match it with deliberate hunger (in small doses at the right time).  When I am hungry for lunch, I want to be rewarding myself for going to the trouble.  

Wednesday Gyro!

My food intake and calorie count

Breakfast – 1/4 Quiche (500)

  • 500 calories

Lunch – Big Greek Cafe Famous $5 Gyro Wednesday (600); 

  • 600 calories 

Dinner – 8 ounces meatloaf (400); whole wheat wrap (100); potatotes (50)

  • 550 calories

Snacking – tea with half and half (80); Snickers ice cream bar (180)

  • 260 calories

Total for the day: 1920 calories (limit 1800)

Aftermath and hiatus

I really enjoyed my reward lunch yesterday.  At the same time, I definitely noticed I was not used to being so full.  All yesterday and last night I was not hungry.  I wasn’t hungry even this morning until after 9AM.  Even then, my appetite wasn’t normal.  Since I don’t know how many calories I had yesterday, it is tempting to say I just ate more than I thought.  That is always a possibility.  But that meal was meant to be a reward, and it was, in the sense that I let go and enjoyed it.  Today was supposed to be back on the weight control program, but it didn’t feel quite like it – and I was a bit over the count.  

For the next several days I will be traveling and it will be difficult to post.  At worst, I will be back at it Sunday.  Until then, take care of your appetite.

-The Doctor

20190910 Daily report

I spend a lot of time and effort on my hobby – weight control.  That means I obsessively keep my food journal, and plan to do that for the rest of my life.  Or at least as long as I plan to maintain control over my weight.  Part of controlling my weight is controlling intake.  That’s the food journal, but it is also a lot of planning, and a system of small and large rewards.  Today was a reward day.  

First plate! It is all you can eat.

My food intake and calorie count

Breakfast – ham (90); cheese (100); toasted sandwich bread (160) with pickles and horseradish and mustard.

  • 350 calories

Lunch – Commonwealth Indian Restaurant buffet (1400); 

  • 1400 calories 

Dinner – none!

  • 0 calories

Snacking – tea with half and half (80); ddd (00)

  • 80 calories

Total for the day: 1830 calories (limit 1800)

Once in a while it works

Today I rewarded myself for getting my weight below 250 pounds.  That’s a big achievement to reward.  So I went to an Indian restaurant near me with a lunch buffet.  “All you can eat” is a tricky thing for me now.  Being full isn’t my focus since I started controlling my intake.  But I had two plates at the buffet, and I have very little idea how many calories I actually had.  So the figure above is a guess.  But I enjoyed it, even though my body is totally full, even now, 10 hours later.  Will I ever be hungry again?  Yes, I will.  

Anyway, it was very rewarding.  I was careful to prepare for the meal as I said yesterday, to maximize the reward experience.  I’ve put some arrows and description of what I had.  The second plate had a stew made from goat meat, and some lentils (dal), plus some of my favorites from the first round.  I am no longer sure I will lose weight this week, though.  It seems I have some travel ahead, and that always throws my metabolism off.  But eventually, I will have other milestones to reward!

Try to find a way to reward yourself for your accomplishments.  It works.

-The Doctor 

20190909 Daily report

The Doctor of Things has a mission: weight control.  I also have a system for when I eat: measure everything, and write down what I ate in a food journal.   My goal for eating food: anticipate what I’m going to eat, eat a measured amount, and enjoy it.  What I avoid: getting full, because that ruins the anticipation and enjoyment of the next meal.  I look forward to: my next meal, which will be wonderful and satisfying – no diet foods allowed.  Diet portions are ok.  

6 ounces of meatloaf, with carrots and potatoes.

My food intake and calorie count

Breakfast – waffle sections (50); macaroni cheese (350)

  • 400 calories

Lunch – 6 ounces meatloaf (300); cooked carrots and potatoes (100); wrap (110)

  • 510 calories 

Dinner – bbq pork ribs (100) 6oz sausage chili (240); Smith hot dog (140); bun (110)

  • 590 calories

Snacking – tea with half and half (80); 1 serving each pretzels and cheese (250)

  • 330 calories

Total for the day: 1830 calories (limit 1800 + 500 bonus from swimming, total 2300)

Building anticipation

Tomorrow is a reward lunch.  The point is, I want to be ready to enjoy this reward.  I have been working at getting below 250 pounds since July, when I weighed 259 pounds, and for a battle that protracted, the reward needs to be memorable.  I prepare for reward meals with anticipation first – I have been planning this for two weeks.  I want it!  Second, I went swimming today, but only ate about 1800 calories.  I will be very hungry for this reward meal!  Third – I want to be able to enjoy every minute and eat slowly.  So I will eat a good breakfast.  Starvation feelings are no way to reward yourself!  

Part of my strategy for eating “only” 1800 calories today was to make sure my food was mostly meat and protein – cheese for breakfast, meatloaf for lunch, and a chili dog for dinner.  Really, my refrigerator is totally stocked with lots of things I like.  That’s an important idea: the foods I like and the portions I plan out are all ready to go.  There is no need to go browsing or grazing through the kitchen and maybe getting myself into trouble.  

I have been doing a lot of talking about constructing the mindset of a person who stays thin.  Out of curiosity, I did an internet search on “think like a thin person.”  What a catastrophe, or at least what mixed messages!  The top articles are all about how to be like people who are “naturally” thin, which gave me a good laugh.  No such person exists.  Any healthy thin person works hard at it.  But let’s take a look. 

WikiHow says that naturally thin people know that being thin doesn’t make you happy.  Also, you shouldn’t obsess over being thin.  Altogether, that’s just really bad advice.  If you aren’t obsessed about getting thin and staying that way, you won’t succeed.  Being in control of your weight just doesn’t come easily.  As for being happy, well, I was fat and happy before and I am less fat, but still happy now.  Actually, since I am just as happy but there is less of me, on average, there is more happiness per pound of me.  So WikiHow is wrong, being thinner has made me happier.  Just not in the way they were thinking.  

WebMD has some interesting thoughts, though.  I am paraphrasing, but:

  1. Build a fantasy of what your life would be like if you were thin.  Maybe that would work for some people.  I think it is related to the next point:
  2. Change your behavior so that you act like you imagine a thin person would.  Good advice, if vague.  How would this thin person act, then?  
  3. Pay attention to how much you are eating.  One scoop of ice cream should satisfy you.  Interesting way of putting it, but that needs a bit more explaining.  
  4. Change your goal to being healthy, avoid the goal of losing weight.  That makes sense.  Logically, if your goal is weight loss, everything you eat betrays the goal.  Finding a different eating goal is a good idea, but I rejected this one in favor of embracing hunger as the goal.

That’s it, really, though there are some minor points.  If this is a sample of diet advice, the Doctor is going to clean up in this world!  Where would you look for advice?  What has been effective for you?  

-The Doctor

20190908 Daily report

Every day, my task is the same.  Since January, 2019 and for the foreseeable future, I am paying attention to how much I am eating and writing it all down in my food journal (which is an online spreadsheet).  To do this I am not directly using my willpower, which wouldn’t work.  I am inventing a new lifestyle built around some new values, and living those out.  In consequence, my body’s weight is coming under control.  It’s what I value now. 

Only us vegetables in here! But still delicious.

My food intake and calorie count

Breakfast – 2x barbecue chicken sliders (150); small piece of cold pizza (50)

  • 350 calories

Lunch – 10oz macaroni cheese  (475); mandarin oranges (75)

  • 550 calories 

Dinner – 13.5 ounces vegetable curry (350); 5oz cooked rice (160)

  • 510 calories

Snacking – tea with half and half (80); tasting food while cooking (estimated 100); 3x Sarris chocolate pretzels (70)

  • 390 calories

Total for the day: 1800 calories (limit 1800)

The price of success

I spent two hours today making a double batch of the vegetable curry.  There was the cooking, but there was a lot of preparation – there always is for vegetarian food.  I usually find meat satisfying while running a calorie deficit, but sometimes vegetable curry is welcome.  And this is a fabulous recipe, flavored with coconut, Indian spices, ginger, garlic, tomatoes, chilies, and caramelized vegetable fond.  Cooked just right (and this one was), it is an amazing dish.  You don’t quite notice the lack of meat.  (You may notice I didn’t count the yogurt featured in the picture in my calorie count; once I got the calculations done it was about 10 or 15 calories, so I ignored it.) 

Anyway, I minced four onions, six garlics, two inches of peeled ginger, and processed 1.5 pounds of potatoes, a whole head of cauliflower.  Because ingredients are added in layers to make the curry really good, there is a lot of running back and forth to the stove, the recipe, and the cutting board.  You don’t really sit still.  I can see why people like outdoor kitchens and grilling, too.  Cooking curries can make a lot of clutter.  I spent a long time cleaning everything afterwards.  But the dish is totally worth the effort, once in a while.  Since my food intake and weight control are my hobbies now, this is all time spent doing things I like, or else accept cheerfully must be done in their pursuit.  

While that was going on, I also made a two pound meatloaf, with potatoes and carrots.  Yes, it was a busy afternoon.  On the other hand, I won’t be spending a lot of time cooking dinner this week.  And my lunches will be easy to fix.  The cold meatloaf sandwich is an underappreciated gem, with mayonnaise and lettuce on a wrap.  I can hardly wait!  This is exactly what I have found works.  In short: this is all a lot of effort, but since my success is dependent on really looking forward to what I am going to eat, it is a price I am willing to pay.  

What would you do to lose 120 pounds?  What price would you pay to achieve what you desire?  

-The Doctor

20190907 Saturday weigh-in

The second part of my commitment to weigh control is to weigh myself every week.  Many people who are thin, and stay thin, weigh themselves every day – or have some other way to check their body (clothes sizes, belt sizes, or?) to make sure they are not over eating.  There is counting calories, and then there is the proof.  What do you actually weigh?  Because I have read that once you are fairly thin, even a small change in your body is noticeable.  Clothes don’t fit, and you don’t feel the same.  You are close to the edge and balance is affected by small things, on the edge.  So how did I do this week?

The lowest number yet!

Wonderful progress, I was recently saying that I remember the beginning of this weight loss program, when I routinely lost 3 pounds per week.  I was thinking up to 2 pounds per week was more realistic now.  (Last week I was at 251.8.)  This means that since beginning my weight control lifestyle, I have lost:

Pounds!!
0

Reward time

Every time I lose a whole decade (270, 260, and now 250) I find a way to reward myself.  I have sacrificed what part of me wants: being full.  A lot of me doesn’t value that highly anymore, but I know part of me does.  That part has to be compensated and all of me rewarded.  It’s a promise that I have to keep.  This time, I know exactly what the reward is: Indian buffet!  

The great part about these rewards is that I fit them into my weight control lifestyle.  My calorie count for the day will stay at 1800 (more for a swimming day).  I will have a reward and I will still lose weight next week.  Maybe I won’t lose quite as much! 

It’s an interesting reward now, because being full isn’t ideal to most of my consciousness now.  At a buffet, I do have to estimate how much I am eating, but there is a license to satisfy the part of me that wants the sensation of fullness and finds that comforting.  I try not to ignore these parts of myself, especially because that part is powerful enough to take control if provoked!  I have (and everyone on a diet has) had the situation where my conscious will said Don’t Eat and part of me says (with its mouth full) Too Bad.  Even though I don’t want to, I find myself eating, even though in theory it’s all me and I should be able to stop!  

So I pay attention to the parts of myself that are at odds with the goals and ideals of my conscious will.  I still have a body and it still wants what it wants, no matter what I say.  

Paying attention means a lot of different things.  But some of them are worth the effort, don’t you find?

-The Doctor

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