Stay on a diet

20190504 Saturday weigh-in

It’s Saturday!  Saturday is the day I have set aside for my weight monitoring.  There are two parts to controlling your weight: (1) monitor your weight and (2) regulate your food intake.  Some people do like to weight themselves every day.  My grandfather did.  For me, once a week is enough. 

It’s been a troublesome few weeks.  I haven’t been feeling well and my weight was up and down.  But I am feeling much better now.  Things are back to normal.  Last week, I weighed 278.8 pounds (though that was a bit complicated).  So when I stepped on the scale this morning…

I like when the number goes down

That’s an improvement over last week!  So for all my worrying, I was still moving in the right direction.  I have had more drastic weeks of weight loss, but this means since beginning my new lifestyle I have lost:

Pounds!!!
0

That’s a big difference.  I still have a long way to go, but steady progress is good.  It means that my system of weight control is working.  Remember, I don’t consider myself on a diet.  I have made changes to my life and rearranged my hierarchy of values, and my goal is weight control, not weight loss.  I don’t know exactly what my stopping point will be, but according to the US Army, which knows something about physical fitness, there is a range.  Their range for men my height is 148-214 pounds.  Where will I fall?  I have no idea yet, but 205 is a good guess.  

This brings us to the issue of pants size and clothing fit, as I lose weight.  Friendly observers (Mom) have told me that my clothes are starting to look inappropriately loose and baggy.  It took a long time, though.  The size 52 pants I was wearing must have been at their upper limit.  I tried some size 50 pants I had in storage, with mixed results.  Those with stretchy comfort panels fit.  Ordinary pants (no stretch panels) did fit, but showed body contours under the fabric.  So I am staying out of those.  But in my closet I have pants all the way back down to 46, for when I need them.  I also have some shirts in storage that used to fit.  Maybe they do, now.  

How will I fit into clothes as I shrink from now on?  Losing 120 pounds in one year, you would expect I won’t fit anything for very long.  It took me losing almost 50 pounds to go from size 52 to 50.  But during the next 70 pounds, I will probably drop a few sizes.  There is also in my mind the idea that after I shift to weight maintenance, my body will keep changing for a while anyway.  120 pounds is a drastic amount to lose.  It might be another year before all the changes work out of my system.  

Anyway, that’s fine as fantasy.  The reality is, I still have 71 pounds to go.  When I get half way (60 pounds lost, 60 to go) I will have to think of a special reward.  Hmmmmm.

-The Doctor

20190503 Daily report

“The pool is closed through Monday for a swim meet.”  That’s what I saw today.  I am lucky I have a safeguard built into my calorie regulation system.  I knew I would be swimming today, I knew I could eat 500 extra calories.  But I didn’t eat them yet, because the rule is I can’t bank those extra calories until I’ve earned them.  I can’t eat 500 extra calories just “because I’m going to swim later.”  Once I have swum, and if I am hungry, I can eat 500 calories more.  Today, unexpectedly, no swimming – but no harm done.  I still get to eat pizza for dinner! 

If you look at the inner 7 pepperonis, you might smile.

My daily food intake and calorie count:

Breakfast – Costco pizza slice (350) 

  • 350 calories

Lunch – 2 x Homemade chicken enchiladas (250)

  • 500 calories

Dinner – 5 x pizza slices (100), pretzels (150)

  • 650 calories

Snacking – tea with half and half (80); 2 x Jaffa cakes (50); Lil Drums ice cream cone (110)

  • 290 calories

Total for the day: 1790 calories (limit 1800)

Every day, I concentrate on regulating my food intake for that day.  My goal is to get hungry just in time for each meal.  Part of the job is to make sure that I have something worth eating once I am hungry, since it’s going to be a small portion.  Then, I take my time and enjoy eating it.  As I eat my food during the day, I enter it into my food journal.  Then, my food intake is under control. 

I was talking to someone yesterday who said it seemed like my system (weight control) was easy for me.  That couldn’t be more wrong.  It’s not easy for me!  I am trying to make it easier for you.  I feel like what I am doing is hard, since I am inventing it as I go along.  Maybe, somewhere, someone else has come up with a similar system, but reading around the internet, I haven’t found it yet.  Some of the techniques and advice is similar (see yesterday’s post), but the underlying thinking and accumulation of self knowledge are areas I haven’t seen explored carefully.  

Thinking is key.  You got to be overweight using your old thinking and habits and life.  You have to be willing to let all that go and adopt some new ideas before you can be in control of your weight.  But you can do it.  You can value things that keep your weight under control and learn to devalue things that keep you from that.  You can find within yourself the strength to do this, if not for yourself, then for all the people that depend on you.  

A support system is also nice.  There are people in my life I don’t share my weight loss achievements with, and don’t discuss my new values and thinking with.  I don’t believe those people would be happy for me or help me.  Better not to involve them.  There are other people in my life who are happy I am getting my weight under control.  I tell them all about it and they tell me I am doing a good job.  

Self knowledge is also important.  If anything helps keep the weight off, it’s knowing all about how to control your intake and the months of experience you will have doing that.  That’s why you can’t make temporary changes and go back to your old life once you have lost some weight.  Your old life made you overweight, and will again.  It has to go.  Your new self knowledge makes you strong and independent and in control.

-The Doctor 

20190502 Daily report

I am having a strange week, food wise.  This morning, I was very hungry.  I thought this was due to my low calorie day yesterday, so I didn’t worry about it.  I had a nice breakfast.  Then I wasn’t hungry for lunch, until an hour late.  Then I was Really hungry!  So I ate almost all the rest of my calories for the day, for lunch.  I wasn’t hungry for dinner, so I thought it all worked out.  Wrong!  By 9PM I was hungry again, and am now way over for today.  If you average yesterday and today, it works out…..

It's amazing how good these are. What is it with Belgian chocolate??

My daily food intake and calorie count:

Breakfast – 6 x pyrohi with butter (75 + butter)  

  • 600 calories

Lunch – Costco pizza slice (350); chicken and hummus wraps (350)

  • 700 calories

Dinner – noodles (75)

  • 75 calories

Snacking – 35 grams of chocolate (175); 3 x chocolate hazelnut coins (55); tea with half and half (80)

  • 425 calories

9PM meal – sloppy joe sandwich (300); pretzels and hummus (100)

  • 400 calories

Total for the day: 2200 calories (limit 1800)

Weight loss review

I’ve been reading some of the many, many websites dedicated to losing weight.  Most interesting to me right now are those which describe ideas from someone who has lost a lot of weight.  I am having fun fitting their ideas into the Doctor of Things weight control framework.  This is so I can see if there are agreements and any contradictions.  Always listen to people who have lost the weight already, right?

The article I am reviewing right now – click here.

This article has weight loss tips from twelve people who lost weight successfully, most of them lost 100+ pounds.  What follows is my summary of the advice they would give to other people.

Sarah – devote a lot of time to weight loss.

David – make sure you have your desired foods and snacks ready to go

Julie – monitor your weight by any method that works

Megan – create new values to live by

Jessica – Focus on today and this week

Olivia – create new values to live by

Kate – create new values to live by (the article wrongly calls this motivation)

Haley – build in small goals (persuade yourself), find a support network

Laura – create new values and aims to live by

John – change your mind and your body will follow

Justine – lead with your powerful spirit

A lot of this sounds familiar to me.  I use the same points in my post on how to start a diet 120 pounds overweight.  None of it is contradicting what I have been doing, which is nice.  The last piece of advice, from Justine, I am not sure how to interpret.  She is quoted as saying that your spirit is powerful and the person in the mirror has all the motivation you need.  I’ll have to think about that one.  The article itself layers its own advice on top of what these guys are saying.  And it’s not the kind of article that has a lot of nuts and bolts.  None of the twelve mentions a food journal.

This article also continues the strange obsession with motivation that I see in all the weight loss literature.  Pretty much every overweight person is motivated to be thin. Trust me, I was very motivated for years.  Motivation was not the problem.  If it was just motivation, I would already be thin.  What  I needed was a whole new way of thinking.

A key difference with the Doctor of Things diet is that I have put a lot of thought into the need to let go of your old life, change your values, listen to your desires, negotiate with yourself, and satisfy yourself, with a goal of controlling your weight.  Your life should improve in its quality and satisfaction.  Losing weight is hard enough, you don’t need to be punishing, depriving, and starving yourself at the same time.  Self knowledge is the key to maintaining control.  

-The Doctor

20190501 Daily report

Every day, I write down what I ate and total calories in my food journal.  My aim is to be in control of my weight.  You can’t control it if you don’t know what’s going on.  The food journal is a lifestyle change, and a high-priority one.  I have committed to doing it for the rest of my life.  I also commit to weighing myself every week.  I am glad I didn’t weight myself today, though.  Yesterday, I had a big meal and followed it up with a lot of cake!  I woke up with no appetite at all.  It took all morning before I was hungry again, and just in time for lunch.  It’s Wednesday, and that means…

I may never get tired of this diet

My daily food intake and calorie count:

Breakfast – tea with half and half.  Not hungry at all.  

  • 80 calories

Lunch – Big Greek Cafe $5 Gyro on Wednesdays!  (600)

  • 600 calories

Dinner – 2 x Costco pepperoni pizza slices (355).

  • 710 calories

Snacking – none

  • 0 calories

Total for the day: 1390 calories (limit 1800)

Observing thin people eat

Today, I had a great opportunity to watch the behavior of thin people around delicious dessert food.  I brought my leftover, homemade birthday cake to my team at work, thinking they would eat it up quickly (and I wouldn’t get snowed under with all the calories!).  I’ve never really watched thin people’s behavior until recently.  All the people I watched today were thin, some very thin.  Those who ate it agreed the cake was very, very tasty.  I had already pre-cut the cake into 300-calorie pieces.  What I saw (in no particular order): 

  1. Fitness guy (he exercises every day) ate a full piece.  Then he went to the gym, as usual.  
  2. Very thin guy cut a piece in half and ate it quite slowly while talking to the group standing around the cake.
  3. Joker guy ate a full piece, reasonably quickly, while talking to the group standing around the cake.
  4. Beard guy politely refused cake, because he had had cake at home over the weekend.
  5. Cello playing girl hesitated to take any cake.  When I told her how many calories per slice (300), she cut a piece in half and ate that, fairly slowly.  She told everyone else who approached the cake how many calories were in a slice (she was meaning to be helpful – she clearly thought that was important information).  
  6. Egyptian guy took a full piece and ate it slowly at his desk. 
  7. Pregnant girl (quite thin) took a half piece and ate it slowly, while talking to the group standing around the cake.  First she asked if the cake was safe for pregnant women.  (I think she just wanted everyone to know she was pregnant – just passed the first trimester.)  

Two other people refused any cake.  There were three half pieces left at the end of the day.  I gave them to the people at my mechanic’s front office (some car work today).  Back when I was gaining weight and out of control, I would have waited until no one was there, then taken a big piece and eaten it in my office.   I wouldn’t have thought about calories.  What a difference changing your mind makes.  As wonderful as the cake was, since I didn’t think I could freeze pieces and eat it slowly, I couldn’t wait to get rid of it. 

It was very interesting to watch the thin people use social approval as a tool to regulate their cake eating.  Once they were told how many calories in the cake, almost everyone opted for a half slice of 150 calories.  Most of them ate it in front of each other and were slow about it.  There’s a lot to learn, there.

-The Doctor

20190430 Birthday report

Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to meeeeeee, happy birrrrrthday to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, happy birthday to me!

I can reverse these numbers in 9 years!

My daily food intake and calorie count are:

Breakfast – 2 x meatball and hummus wraps (225)

  • 450 calories

Lunch – burrito bowl with meat, cheese, beans, salsa, sour cream, jalapenos

  • 550 calories

Dinner – 2 x homemade chicken enchiladas (300).

  • 600 calories

Dessert – Tres Leches cake (610)

  • 610 calories

Snacking – tea with half and half (80)

  • 80 calories

Total for the day: 2290 calories (limit 1800 + 500 bonus from swimming, total 2300)

On top of the other excitement (cake!!!), today was a swimming day.  It was a great workout, I felt in good form and my lap times were the best ever.  OK, towards the end of the workout the times dropped off a bit, but it was all acceptable.  So I felt fully justified in eating my entire controlled allowance today.  I hope this means my body is all better, after two whole weeks of intestinal unhappiness.  Or at least I am getting there.  

I had a very nice birthday.  No deep thoughts for today.  I do have some ideas for next time.  I have been hitting hard on the theme that weight control is the only fruitful goal, which comes in two parts: monitor the weight and regulate the food intake.  But I haven’t talked much about another important aspect of keeping on top of your diet: negotiation and persuasion.  It brings up an challenging set of questions:

  • “Who are you, who are you persuading, and who are you negotiating with?”

I will talk about those later.  Some easier questions are: what are you persuading someone to do, and what leverage are you using to negotiate with?  That’s easy, because you are persuading someone to keep their mind on their new values when considering food.  You are persuading someone to pay attention and make sure their old thinking doesn’t come out again.  As for negotiation, you are using carrots, as in the carrot and stick approach.  By careful use of rewards, you are getting everyone in the negotiation pulling together in service of your new goals and aims.  I’ll talk more about who, next time.  Happy birthdays all!  

-The Doctor

20190429 Daily report

There are two crucial parts to becoming a person in control of your weight.  (1) Monitor your weight and (2) regulate your food intake.  Both are important and you can’t be in control without both parts.  Remember, my goal is not to lose 120 pounds.  My goal is not to reach some target weight number.  I have no idea what I will eventually weigh!  My goal is to become a person who is in control of their body’s weight.  To do this, I had to change my old thinking and demote my old values.  For example: tonight was spaghetti with meatball night; the kids always leave some behind.  Before I changed myself into someone in control of his weight, I would have eaten those leftovers as I cleared the dishes, because I didn’t like to waste food.  That was a value. 

It all adds up.

My daily food intake and calorie count are:

Breakfast – 2 x chicken and hummus wraps (150); 33 grams chocolate (175)

  • 475 calories

Lunch – 5 x pyrohi (75) plus butter

  • 500 calories

Dinner – 6 oz cooked spaghetti (300); 5 Costco meatballs (230).

  • 530 calories

Snacking – tea with half and half (80); pretzels and cheese (120); chocolate caramel (55); grapes (50)

  • 305 calories

Total for the day: 1810 calories (limit 1800)

Tonight, I threw all the leftovers away.  I threw away more than what you see here.  My new value is that I am in control of what I eat.  I have already eaten enough today, so the kids’ leftover food gets thrown away.  (Noodles and meatballs no one has touched get stored for another day.  I still have my values, they’re just less important to me than my new values.)  I value being in control of my weight most.  Therefore, I must monitor my weight and regulate my food intake.  

I read a sad article today about Salvador, who spent years trying and failing to lose weight.  Ultimately there was a happy resolution for Salvador.  He himself seems admirably full of willpower.  He dieted (he says) for three years, using a strategy based on willpower and “diet foods”, and lost no weight.  What perseverance!  I would have given up before three weeks. 

The sad part of the article is Peter (the writer)’s tone of defeat, anger, and excuses.  Most of the article is an attack on the concept of counting calories.  But the article has some useful information in spite of itself.  Salvador wasted a lot of time forcing himself to eat things he didn’t want in an attempt to lose weight.  The article says during the three years where he made no progress, Salvador forced himself to eat mostly diet food low in fat, while counting calories.  (The Doctor sees hints that Salvador also drank a lot of calories in Gatorade and fruit juice.  Calorie rich drinks are an easy way to load up on calories without thinking about it.)  He says he exercised 5 times per week.  He lost no weight, apparently.  The Doctor has his suspicions about this.  The Doctor has been there.

Anyway, the Doctor totally agrees that this was the wrong approach.  Three years of forcing yourself to eat things you don’t want and not getting anything in return?  That is not working with your heart, mind, and body together.  Forcing yourself to exercise to lose weight?  All testaments to his will.  But not useful for the purpose. 

Eventually, Salvador started eating regular food again, food that he enjoyed.  According to Peter, the author, this resulted in weight loss and total health.   Reading the article, you’d think that Salvador just eats what he wants now, and everything is perfect for him without any effort.  Ha, ha!  The Doctor knows better.  Salvador is still counting calories, or else he would be gaining weight again.  He is using part of the Doctor’s approach: eat smaller amounts of foods you like.  Use foods you like as a reward and as a reason to hold off filling your belly.  Avoid eating things you don’t like.  If some foods leave you hungry, substitute foods that leave you feeling satisfied until the next meal.  The Doctor approves!  Good on Salvador for finding an approach that works.

-The Doctor

20190428 Daily report

Saturday was my weigh-in day, I do it once per week.  It’s something I plan to do from now on to be in control of my weight.  But as I described yesterday, the result was very unsatisfying.  It looked as though I hadn’t lost any weight in two weeks.  (I have been ill, very low grade but affecting my digestion.) 

I’ve been keeping my food intake under control.  So I decided to weigh myself again when I woke up today, too.  I’m not sure why I wanted to weigh-in again.  I didn’t feel any different – actually worse, since I woke up with some body aches and had to take an Alleve.  But I pulled out the scale and weighed myself anyway.  And what did that prove? 

I want to trust you

My daily food intake and calorie count are:

Breakfast – 5 x pyrohi (75) plus butter

  • 500 calories

Lunch – 2 x BLT wraps (200)

  • 400 calories

Dinner – Ham (100); party food (700).

  • 800 calories

Snacking – tea with half and half (80)

  • 80 calories

Total for the day: 1780 calories (limit 1800)

OK, according to my data I lost four pounds between yesterday and today.  Sound good?

Buzzzzzzt!  No way!  This actually supports my illness theory, that I am suffering from weight fluctuations due to water retention.  Does this prove that I really weigh 278.4?  That would be amazing.  I haven’t weighed that since graduate school.  But I can’t pat myself on the back yet – this only proves I don’t know what my weight really is.  Moving around four pounds in one day just means I am still sick, even though I feel much better.  So the drama will all be next week, when I am (hopefully) fully recovered.  What will I really weigh???

I am happy, though.  I might still be in control!  So I might not have wasted the effort of the last two weeks, after all.  It’s my birthday Tuesday April 30, and I would be very proud to think I was below 280.  It might even be true.  That might have to be good enough for now.

The week is young – one day past weighing.  So far I kept on top of my food intake and it felt like everything was working together.  That’s the way I like it.  This evening around 9PM though, I walked into the kitchen and felt like I wanted to eat something.  I try not to ignore those feelings, so I went for a few grapes.  No, not wine!  Just table grapes.  It seems like that did the trick.  I will keep controlling my intake and hope that my weight monitoring goes back to normal as I get better.

-The Doctor

20190427 Saturday weigh-in

Every Saturday is weigh-in day.  I have committed to this behavior, for as long as I want to be in control of my weight.  (The rest of my life.)  My other directive is to regulate my food intake, which includes a lot more work.  Weighing should be easy – you get on the scale, you get off, once per week.  But it is (right now) the harder job.  While I’ve been ill, my body has felt out of control.  It doesn’t feel like I have been eating too much, but I don’t feel the immediate connection between my mind and body that I have enjoyed so much since January.  However, there’s good news, which is I have started to feel better.  Hopefully this coming week will find me back on course.  So how was my weigh-in?  

That’s better.  My weight is moving back in the desired direction.  I wasn’t sure what would happen today, when I stepped on the scale!  

This matches my weight from April 14, two weeks ago.  So did I lose two weeks?  It sure feels that way.  To control my weight, I make a sacrifice.  I give up one future – the one where I eat as much of everything as I like, for whatever joy that gives.  (It’s a shallow pleasure, but one I am used to.)  I replace it with another future – one where I am in control of my weight.  At this moment, it looks like I lost out on both futures. Part of me is unhappy because I only ate controlled amounts of food.  That’s the part of me that sacrificed the future where I was full.  Another part of me is mad about not losing weight.  That’s the future where I was in control of my eating.  Maybe I wasn’t in control, after all.

This is temptation to give up on your diet, when things get tough.  Parts of you are pressuring you to quit.  You’re giving up too much and getting nothing in return.  But don’t panic.  Don’t make a hasty decision.  Think about it, and give it some time.  In my case, I haven’t been well, and I know my body and mind haven’t been working together.  I can feel it.  I’ve been complaining about it in my posts since last week.  I’ve lost a lot of weight this way, and getting sick (according to my records) has always thrown off the diet.  I will concentrate this week on getting well, and making sure as many parts of me as possible are invested in the goal.  

The goal is not to lose weight, nor to reach a certain weight.  That’s not enough, if you want to keep the weight off.  Your goal has to be, to become a person who is in control of their weight.  In that future, you have the self knowledge to keep the weight off.  You keep weighing yourself and watching what you eat.  The way you can tell you are in control of your weight, is that you will lose when you want to and stay the same if you want to and gain if you want to.  Things are rough for me right now – when I haven’t been well, I haven’t been in control.  Here’s to getting back on top of it.

On a side note, I noticed in my food journal that for the last two weeks I haven’t eaten any bacon!  I am as shocked as you are.  That’s probably why I didn’t lose weight, haha.  I fixed that today – bacon for breakfast.  

-The Doctor

20190426 Daily report

Behold the StroopWafel, the Dutch contribution to world desserts.  It may look like an ordinary waffle cookie, but it’s impregnated with a caramelized syrup (stroop) and covered with cinnamon.  Each one is 160 calories.  Not long ago, I would have eaten four or five of these without thinking about it much.  At that time, I was not following the two principles I have developed for successful weight control: (1) monitor your weight and (2) regulate your food intake.  And I was in no position to follow them.  I hadn’t admitted to myself that I needed to change anything.  

My daily food intake and calorie count are:

Breakfast – egg salad open face sandwich (290), strawberry shortcake roll (last piece, 180 calories)

  • 470 calories

Lunch – 2 x open faced egg salad sandwiches (290); homemade jambalaya (200); ham (100)

  • 880 calories

Dinner – 4 x pizza slices (100).

  • 400 calories

Snacking – tea with half and half (80); stroopwafel cookie (160)

  • 240 calories

Total for the day: 1990 calories (limit 1800 + 500 bonus from swimming, total 2300)

My old goal, when eating stroopwafels (or anything else really), was to eat it until I was totally full.  I taught myself over the years that being totally full was the same as being satisfied and happy.  Also, my desire to be frugal meant I would eat food rather than throw it out, and I would happily eat a share of free food at the office (cakes, etc).  When I realized that I had to change, I had to let go of all that thinking and find new ways to be satisfied.  It’s good that the ways I found provide deeper satisfaction than “full belly”.   Now, I pay a lot of attention to what I am eating.  Is paying all that attention worth the effort?  

When I think about foods like store bought cake, or prepared food from grocery stores (and may restaurants) I will now pass that kind of food by.  A lot of food is not worth the calories.  That may sound a bit ungrateful (not too long ago, most humans were only a few meals away from starving), but I have a serious problem that needs care and attention.  I am seriously overweight and was out of control.  I am still not 100% in control. 

Maybe you have a weight problem, too.  If so, you will have to let go of your old thinking, like I did.  Your relationship to food might be different than mine.  The particulars of why you overeat could be completely unrelated to my experience.  But your goal is still to be in control of your body and its weight.  You can’t let other priorities be higher than that one.  Become a person who is capable of controlling your body’s weight.  That has a lot of meaning, and there are consequences to the change.  Watch me live them out.  You can do it too.  

Today was a swimming day.  Based on how I did with my lap times, I am still not 100% well, following my intestinal illness of the last week and a half.  But there are promising signs that I am getting better.  My body and mind are working together a little better.  We will see the results tomorrow, because that’s a weigh-in day.  I feel like the result will be in a positive direction.  If not, this new lifestyle is still the best game around.  Living like this is much more satisfying than the old way.  

-The Doctor

20190425 Daily report

My goal is to be hungry every time I sit down at the table for a meal.  It’s part of my transformation into a person who is capable of controlling his weight.  It’s gotten to be fun, because I’m not hungry until a few minutes before mealtime.  Sometimes, I make a mistake, like today.  Today, I had to delay eating breakfast for about 40 minutes.  I forgot to take a snack, so I was much too hungry by the time I got back home.  I made a frozen breakfast sandwich (Jimmy Dean).  But it wasn’t enough.  I had a potential eating disaster.

These are good, but need a bit more egg in my opinion

My daily food intake and calorie count are:

Breakfast – Jimmy Dean croissantwich (400); Sarris Peanut Butter Meltaway Egg (185); ham (50)

  • 635 calories

Lunch – Paska bread (150); ham (150); ice cream (150); chocolate (170)

  • 620 calories

Dinner – Ham sandwich (150); yogurt (120).

  • 270 calories

Snacking – tea with half and half (80); strawberry shortcake roll (180)

  • 260 calories

Total for the day: 1785 calories (limit 1800)

What was this potential eating disaster?  Since my goal is to be hungry at the start of every meal, if I delay, I get seriously hungry and also grumpy.  (I’m not good at remembering to take snacks.)  My body’s reaction is to panic and want to eat lots of things.  I have learned that in this situation, even if I eat enough food, my body insists it is in need.  Still feeling panicked, I will eat more than I should, in a binge. 

I had to be very careful, or else my body would take over and I would eat and then feel out of control and bad about myself.  So I immediately had some chocolate and some meat while waiting for my breakfast sandwich to reheat.  Then I ate the sandwich.  That was a much bigger breakfast than usual, but it wasn’t the end of the problem.  I was very aware that my body was still panicked, so I decided to listen carefully.  Around 10AM I felt hungry, so I moved up lunch.  And I had a big lunch.  And I still wasn’t finished!  Around 2PM I started feeling some lingering food panic.  So I had my dinner then.  All I saved for later was my dessert – strawberry shortcake roll.  I had that with my family while they had dinner.  

I hope you are starting to see how self-knowledge helps.  I had a potential binge disaster, which I was able to anticipate and defuse through listening to myself.  I didn’t break my calorie limit, though I was in danger all day.  Tomorrow will be a new day, and I will pay extra attention!  And I will put a few snack packs in my car, if I remember.    

-The Doctor

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